Here is the newly edited third and improveder draft of the memo. Please delete all copies of the old second improved draft of the memo.
by BF77008 July 26, 2011
Get the improveder mug.The epitome of ass-kissery. As soon as you walk into a Lowe's, your ass saturated with the spit of every employee that crosses your path; but it is not their fault, because it is what they have been constantly told to do every day. Lowe's is built upon the model of "excellent, excruciatingly-paranoid, money-pinching, annoying, ass-kissing, customer-focus". The best thing to do when you see a "red vest" is to cut a corner and run. These people are already stressed enough with the dumbass questions that get flung at them every day so one more question is just one more reason for them to eat a bullet.
Customer walks in Lowe's:
"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE WITH Lowe's Home Improvement WAREHOUSE! WE HAVE LOTS OF ITEMS TO HELP YOUR EVERY NEED FOR EVERY SITUATION! HOW MAY WE BE OF SERVICE TO YOU TODAY SIR OR MA'AM???"
Customer: Holy fucking ass crackers! Can I not look at the fucking power tools without being bombarded by damn service? Fuck this I'm going to Home Depot where people leave me the hell alone!
"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE WITH Lowe's Home Improvement WAREHOUSE! WE HAVE LOTS OF ITEMS TO HELP YOUR EVERY NEED FOR EVERY SITUATION! HOW MAY WE BE OF SERVICE TO YOU TODAY SIR OR MA'AM???"
Customer: Holy fucking ass crackers! Can I not look at the fucking power tools without being bombarded by damn service? Fuck this I'm going to Home Depot where people leave me the hell alone!
by yourmomlovesmyjohnson09 December 12, 2010
Get the Lowe's Home Improvement mug.Related Words
An ABC sitcom airing from 1991-1999 and one of the most cleverly written sitcoms of the decade. Comedian Tim Allen starred as Tim Taylor, a chauvinist, handyman husband and father of three mischeivous sons who hosted a Detroit cable tool show called Tool Time, and just could help himself to giving "more power" to machinery. Much of the show also focused on the of the rest of the Taylor family: Tim’s wife Jill is a feminist and aspiring psychologist, the loner and very astute neighbor Wilson Wilson always provides advice for Tim, and Tim’s sons are mischeivious but good kids. Tim is very masculine and chauvinist (he even gets disgusted at just the thought of going to the opera), a handyman, clumsy, loved to make jokes about Al’s flannel shirts and overweight mother, always rewiring gadgets, was always competing with his next door neighbor Doc Johnson for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights, seeking advice from his other neighbor Wilson Wilson (Wilson Wilson is not a typo)
Spoofs from the show:
1. Tim’s frequent jokes about Al’s flannel shirst and overweight mom.
2. always seeking advice from his next door neighbor Wilson Wilson, only to screw it up
3. Wilson’s face is always hidden
4. always rewiring things to give it “more power”…only to have it explode
5. his wife Jill can’t cook
6. Tim has an obsession with Sears
7. always competes with Doc Johnson, a 80-year old retired proctologist, for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights
8. Tim is so clumsy that he dropped a steel beam on his wife’s car, fell though a portapotty, glued his head to a table, had a hammer frozen to his tongue, fell through the roof on a project house, blew up a friend’s house and blew up the dishwasher
9. always building a hot rod in the garage
10. frequently grunts when exited or perplexed
11. Bob Villa is his biggest competition
12. Tim often hits his head on a basement pipe above the stairs
13. frequently made jokes about his mother-in-law “Nanna’s” weight but stopped when he saw how thin she had become
14. Always wants Tool Time to take a commercial break when he gets injured
15. Tim frequently gets sick eating Polish food from "Stan’s" Polish restaurant in Hamtramk
16. Tim is well-known at the emergency room, even to the point of having his own cup labeled “Tim”
17. Tim often wears sweatshirts from a Michigan college.
18. Tim's three sons' are always bullied by Vinny McGern
Spoofs from the show:
1. Tim’s frequent jokes about Al’s flannel shirst and overweight mom.
2. always seeking advice from his next door neighbor Wilson Wilson, only to screw it up
3. Wilson’s face is always hidden
4. always rewiring things to give it “more power”…only to have it explode
5. his wife Jill can’t cook
6. Tim has an obsession with Sears
7. always competes with Doc Johnson, a 80-year old retired proctologist, for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights
8. Tim is so clumsy that he dropped a steel beam on his wife’s car, fell though a portapotty, glued his head to a table, had a hammer frozen to his tongue, fell through the roof on a project house, blew up a friend’s house and blew up the dishwasher
9. always building a hot rod in the garage
10. frequently grunts when exited or perplexed
11. Bob Villa is his biggest competition
12. Tim often hits his head on a basement pipe above the stairs
13. frequently made jokes about his mother-in-law “Nanna’s” weight but stopped when he saw how thin she had become
14. Always wants Tool Time to take a commercial break when he gets injured
15. Tim frequently gets sick eating Polish food from "Stan’s" Polish restaurant in Hamtramk
16. Tim is well-known at the emergency room, even to the point of having his own cup labeled “Tim”
17. Tim often wears sweatshirts from a Michigan college.
18. Tim's three sons' are always bullied by Vinny McGern
by krock1dk@yahoo.com January 26, 2008
Get the Home Improvement mug.by Meijer's! December 5, 2005
Get the Home Improvement mug.A female celebrity with a huge grotesque grin. Coined by radio DJ's Don and Mike to describe Cameron Diaz.
A reference to the poisoned products that The Joker unleashed on Gotham City in the movie "Batman" which killed their victims and left them with horrific grins on their faces.
A reference to the poisoned products that The Joker unleashed on Gotham City in the movie "Batman" which killed their victims and left them with horrific grins on their faces.
by Steve Aardvark December 20, 2006
Get the new and improved joker product mug.somebody who's steppin' their game up and showin' off and showin' out like it ain't been done before
Guy 1: Yo dog, Ricky Rozay stepped onto the scene goin' harder than before!
Guy 2: Yeah, especially when he started doin' collabo's with Trina the Diamond Princess. They bring it hard with the swagg, pushin' Porsches while they poppin tags. They be eatin!
Guy 1: Fo sho, brah, they some real show improvers goin' ham on 'em!
Guy 2: Yeah, especially when he started doin' collabo's with Trina the Diamond Princess. They bring it hard with the swagg, pushin' Porsches while they poppin tags. They be eatin!
Guy 1: Fo sho, brah, they some real show improvers goin' ham on 'em!
by mrmiked May 6, 2011
Get the show improver mug.An american adverising term invented some time dring the course of television history.
Now widely regarded with contempt for the utterly intelligence insulting nonsensical term it is.
Now widely regarded with contempt for the utterly intelligence insulting nonsensical term it is.
"New and improved Whammo juice!!! A refreshing carboanted drink that doubles as an industrial cleaning agent!!!"
"Wait... how can it be new AND improved? You can't improve on something new, since to improve something implies revising something exisiting..."
"Wait... how can it be new AND improved? You can't improve on something new, since to improve something implies revising something exisiting..."
by EducatedChav June 17, 2009
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