[e-mail]'s definitions

insurance company

Evil multi-billion dollar corporations that earn a profit from your premiums, and then find any loophole they can so they can refuse to live up to their responsibility in order to save money.

An insurance company is really a legal form of fraud.

by [e-mail] April 8, 2008

eHarmony

An online "dating" site that matches people by 30 dimensions of compatibility, based on personality, weaknesses, strengths, lifelong goals, short term goals, religous beliefs, philosophies on raising children, etc. It is a faith-based matching site and CAN reject applicants it does not feel would be right for their site, ie. refusing to match persons of the same sex. As successfull as eHarmony is when compared to other online matching sites, most of its clients do NOT find love through their service and find someone the old fashioned way (in real life). Its clients are NOT necessarily desperate either. Some people on its service join because they are either too busy in their personal lives to have time to find someone or are too shy to pursue someone in real life. And yes, some join because their shyness or introversion prevents them from meeting someone in real life, and they feel it's better to be rejected by a stranger in the computer than by a real pserson they would know in real life.

eHarmony is NOT for everybody. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.

by [e-mail] October 4, 2008

Home Improvement

An ABC sitcom airing from 1991-1999 and one of the most cleverly written sitcoms of the decade. Comedian Tim Allen starred as Tim Taylor, a chauvinist, handyman husband and father of three mischeivous sons who hosted a Detroit cable tool show called Tool Time, and just could help himself to giving "more power" to machinery. Much of the show also focused on the of the rest of the Taylor family: Tim’s wife Jill is a feminist and aspiring psychologist, the loner and very astute neighbor Wilson Wilson always provides advice for Tim, and Tim’s sons are mischeivious but good kids. Tim is very masculine and chauvinist (he even gets disgusted at just the thought of going to the opera), a handyman, clumsy, loved to make jokes about Al’s flannel shirts and overweight mother, always rewiring gadgets, was always competing with his next door neighbor Doc Johnson for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights, seeking advice from his other neighbor Wilson Wilson (Wilson Wilson is not a typo)

Spoofs from the show:

1. Tim’s frequent jokes about Al’s flannel shirst and overweight mom.
2. always seeking advice from his next door neighbor Wilson Wilson, only to screw it up
3. Wilson’s face is always hidden
4. always rewiring things to give it “more power”…only to have it explode
5. his wife Jill can’t cook
6. Tim has an obsession with Sears
7. always competes with Doc Johnson, a 80-year old retired proctologist, for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights
8. Tim is so clumsy that he dropped a steel beam on his wife’s car, fell though a portapotty, glued his head to a table, had a hammer frozen to his tongue, fell through the roof on a project house, blew up a friend’s house and blew up the dishwasher
9. always building a hot rod in the garage
10. frequently grunts when exited or perplexed
11. Bob Villa is his biggest competition
12. Tim often hits his head on a basement pipe above the stairs
13. frequently made jokes about his mother-in-law “Nanna’s” weight but stopped when he saw how thin she had become
14. Always wants Tool Time to take a commercial break when he gets injured
15. Tim frequently gets sick eating Polish food from "Stan’s" Polish restaurant in Hamtramk
16. Tim is well-known at the emergency room, even to the point of having his own cup labeled “Tim”
17. Tim often wears sweatshirts from a Michigan college.
18. Tim's three sons' are always bullied by Vinny McGern

Home Improvement was probably the best scripted show from the 1990s and won numerous Emmys.

by [e-mail] January 26, 2008

Dick Cheney

His first name says it all.

Dick Cheney is exactly what his first name indicates.

by [e-mail] April 30, 2008

Missouri

The Show-Me State. A state that doesn’t know if it’s Southern or Midwestern. Its 6 million residents are divided in geography, accent and culture. Northern Missouri is flat and similar to the rest of the Midwest while southern Missouri is hilly and in the Ozark region. Ironically, America’s new unofficial country music capital is Branson, near the Arkansas border. People from northern Missouri are considered more Midwestern while Southern Missouri is more Southern. Missouri is the place where North America’s two great rivers meet: The Mississippi and Missouri, near Saint Louis. Kansas City is the largest city but St. Louis is the largest metro area. Ironically both metro areas cross state boundaries. Kansas City is known as a great center of jazz music and barbeque while St. Louis is a major center for the production of beer (Anheiser Bush) and has the Gateway Arch. What’s ironic is that beer and barbeque go together like sex and nicotine. However, both cities are extremely crime-ridden by many comparisons. Some natives include Jessie James, Harry Truman, Walt Disney and Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain).

Missouri is a nice, quaint state but has somewhat of an identity crisis.

by [e-mail] December 18, 2007

whitetrash

An American social subculture, particularly poor as heck white people, who reproduce like rabbits without the money to raise kids in a decent environment. They are completely ignorant of birth control—even condoms and don’t give a dam about the welfare of children if they have them. Heck, they are ignorant, period, and don’t have much of an education. They probably live on GOV aid in the form of welfare or food stamps and sometimes use the money to pay for alcohol, tobacco, drugs or just sleezy sex. If they don’t live on GOV aid, they probably work a minimum wage career that doesn’t require any skills like being a checkout clerk, a bagger in a store, collecting shopping carts or even a bar-bouncer if the guy is buff enough. Many live in trailerparks, but also in rundown apartments or government subsidized housing. They can frequently be seen shopping their favorite store—Walmart and most of the men won’t hesitate to wear their wifebeater shirt in the store without a second thought. They usually couldn’t care any less about hygene and it even shows on their children. They are often dirty and smelly, while the men with facial hair don’t shave making it look as though their beard/mustache has collected crumbs.

Whitetrash are about the only American commodity we will never run out of.

by [e-mail] March 17, 2008

job

Something you have while working for a corporate bully and douchebag you strongly dislike who has less education than you, so you can earn money and pay for things to impress those whom you dislike even more.

Most sorry Americans need to have a job like everyone else.

by [e-mail] March 3, 2008