Definitions by kodiac1
Ramses II
Ramses II is most known as the pharaoh who built the space shuttle, however, recent discoveries have shown that he worked part time as the 43th president of the USA. Born in a deep cave in the desert, his life as a child was really boring because he had no one to talk to. At the age of 11 he developed superpowers and started building pyramids all over the place. This annoyed very much the inhabitants of the Nile region because he didn't have the required environmental permissions, and even more because he used up all the rocks and they had to build their houses from camel manure and dried lizards.
Making the Space Shuttle
Depressed by the lack of support by his own people, he decided to build an enormous rocket and go to the moon in search of happyness. He soon developed the space shuttle program. But then fell in love with a bearded woman, lost interest in the space program, and sold the rights to the shuttle to a small American company called NASA. He married the bearded woman, only to find that she was really a nigerian scammer called Bill Gates in disguise.
Finestrism
They founded a new religion, Finestrism, or the irrational belief that one can accomplish any task using windows. Their beginnings were very hard, as most of their followers didn't understand well the message and kept jumping through the window in hope of achieving enlightment, ethernal life or solitaire. But they eventually made a lot of money fixing clepsydras for the Year00 bug that had been discovered in windows95BC.
Ramses II died of the rabies in 1998 when he couldn't turn off the office helper. His body was mummified in the hope that the advances in medicine of the future will someday make him live again. His disconsolate widow low-level formatted his hard drive and installed XP.
Making the Space Shuttle
Depressed by the lack of support by his own people, he decided to build an enormous rocket and go to the moon in search of happyness. He soon developed the space shuttle program. But then fell in love with a bearded woman, lost interest in the space program, and sold the rights to the shuttle to a small American company called NASA. He married the bearded woman, only to find that she was really a nigerian scammer called Bill Gates in disguise.
Finestrism
They founded a new religion, Finestrism, or the irrational belief that one can accomplish any task using windows. Their beginnings were very hard, as most of their followers didn't understand well the message and kept jumping through the window in hope of achieving enlightment, ethernal life or solitaire. But they eventually made a lot of money fixing clepsydras for the Year00 bug that had been discovered in windows95BC.
Ramses II died of the rabies in 1998 when he couldn't turn off the office helper. His body was mummified in the hope that the advances in medicine of the future will someday make him live again. His disconsolate widow low-level formatted his hard drive and installed XP.
Buckingham Palace
Welcome to Buckingham Palace, the biggest playground existing, where even Queen Elizabeth and Tony Blair come to play! Here, your kids and grandparents can enjoy a dive in the bath where the balls connect and the world famous enormous pole of exitement(one of Tony's favourites)! Let's have a quick tour, shall we?
Parking lot
Our parking lot is THE place if you like waiting! We have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! Our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don't fit and dirtroad detours!
The entrance
When you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! You can look at two Buckingham Guards... TOTALLY STANDING STILL! Isn't that amazing, kids!? You can kick them and THEY WILL REMAIN STILL! You can test your new collection of BeyBlades and they will STILL STAND STILL! You can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough THEY WILL REMAIN STILL!!! AMAZING!
The staircases
Now here comes a fun part. When you're inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! You can run up them, run down, you can CLIMB then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! Once you're finished, you can go to the...
First aid room
The first aid room is only 5 miles away from the Parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! Tony Blair will look after you! Be sure to have your buttplug with you, as Tony knows a few tricks!
The Queen's room
Legends and myths are told that there's a secret room inside the castle where Queen Elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. Try to find it, lead us to it and get a FREE* icecream cone!
(*)Only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. It's a hard job, you know...
History Lessons!
In here, you can play several games, like "Kampf" or "Gulf War"! Most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! Some of the history teachers include Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (Only for the war in Iraq. He lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about Iraq, too...)
Parking lot
Our parking lot is THE place if you like waiting! We have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! Our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don't fit and dirtroad detours!
The entrance
When you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! You can look at two Buckingham Guards... TOTALLY STANDING STILL! Isn't that amazing, kids!? You can kick them and THEY WILL REMAIN STILL! You can test your new collection of BeyBlades and they will STILL STAND STILL! You can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough THEY WILL REMAIN STILL!!! AMAZING!
The staircases
Now here comes a fun part. When you're inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! You can run up them, run down, you can CLIMB then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! Once you're finished, you can go to the...
First aid room
The first aid room is only 5 miles away from the Parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! Tony Blair will look after you! Be sure to have your buttplug with you, as Tony knows a few tricks!
The Queen's room
Legends and myths are told that there's a secret room inside the castle where Queen Elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. Try to find it, lead us to it and get a FREE* icecream cone!
(*)Only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. It's a hard job, you know...
History Lessons!
In here, you can play several games, like "Kampf" or "Gulf War"! Most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! Some of the history teachers include Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (Only for the war in Iraq. He lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about Iraq, too...)
Buckingham Palace is a fun place to go for a typical father-and-son-day! The whole family can enjoy the pleasures of Tony Blair and the old demented whore who calls herself a queen! Have fun, and don't forget the buttplug!
Buckingham Palace by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Warren Buffet
Warren Buffet, generally acknowledged as the second richest man in the United States Of America, (after Ryan Seacrest), is the inventor of the all-you-can-eat restaurant concept. Back in the old days--before 1942--this was unheard of, but Buffet perservered through thick and thin and perfected the idea. Today, many restaurants actually use his name when referring to their unlimited offerings.
Buffet thought of the idea while touring India and seeing starving people. "What would make these folks feel really, really bad?" he pondered. The solution was letting them know that people in America can sit down and eat themselves to death anytime they want. "That'll put them Injuns in their place," Buffet stated, not realizing that Indians in India aren't the same ones that go "Woo-Woo" and live in teepees.
a bell and having a servant come over. After he graduated from boarding school and college, he was shocked that the world didn't actually work this way. He joined with his friend and lover Oscar Wilde and deciding to do something about ridding the world of poverty and hunger.
His plan was to simply kill off all the poor and hungry people. Fortunately for them, Buffet checked with his family attorney who advised him against it. "What a terrible police state we live in," Buffet was heard to say when he was told he couldn't simply get rid of lazy, poor, or otherwise useless people.
The Discovery of All You Can Eat
In 1955, Buffet has an epiphany. After he went to the doctor and got that fixed, he started working full-time on his "all you can eat" concept. The idea was simple: charge people a fixed price in advance then sit them down in a huge room with steam tables full of barely-good-enough food.
To make it more profitable, Buffet made the more inexpensive food of better quality than the more expensive offerings, to discourage people from eating too much shrimp and lobster.
Richest Man in the World
Today, every time someone eats in an eponymous "buffet", Warren Buffet makes $0.25. This has made them the richest man in the world. His company, Berkshire Crapaway, has a stock price per share of over US $1Million, making it the most expensive stock on the American Exchange. Buffet personally holds 55% of Berkshire Crapaway's stock.
Buffet thought of the idea while touring India and seeing starving people. "What would make these folks feel really, really bad?" he pondered. The solution was letting them know that people in America can sit down and eat themselves to death anytime they want. "That'll put them Injuns in their place," Buffet stated, not realizing that Indians in India aren't the same ones that go "Woo-Woo" and live in teepees.
a bell and having a servant come over. After he graduated from boarding school and college, he was shocked that the world didn't actually work this way. He joined with his friend and lover Oscar Wilde and deciding to do something about ridding the world of poverty and hunger.
His plan was to simply kill off all the poor and hungry people. Fortunately for them, Buffet checked with his family attorney who advised him against it. "What a terrible police state we live in," Buffet was heard to say when he was told he couldn't simply get rid of lazy, poor, or otherwise useless people.
The Discovery of All You Can Eat
In 1955, Buffet has an epiphany. After he went to the doctor and got that fixed, he started working full-time on his "all you can eat" concept. The idea was simple: charge people a fixed price in advance then sit them down in a huge room with steam tables full of barely-good-enough food.
To make it more profitable, Buffet made the more inexpensive food of better quality than the more expensive offerings, to discourage people from eating too much shrimp and lobster.
Richest Man in the World
Today, every time someone eats in an eponymous "buffet", Warren Buffet makes $0.25. This has made them the richest man in the world. His company, Berkshire Crapaway, has a stock price per share of over US $1Million, making it the most expensive stock on the American Exchange. Buffet personally holds 55% of Berkshire Crapaway's stock.
Warren Buffet by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Jesus Christ Superstar
Jesus Christ Superstar was a 1972 musical co-written by Mel Gibson and Jesus Christ himself. Gibson wrote much of the music, while Christ wrote the script.
Gibson and Christ got the basic idea for the musical while on drink/drug binge in Tijuana, Mexico. While intoxicated on codeine, marijuana, cheap tequila, and crack cocaine, Contrary to popular belief, crack wasn't invented by the CIA in the 1980s to keep black people down. Gibson first synthasized it in 1967, then distributed it himself for the same purposes Gibson blurted that he wanted to make a musical about the life of the Christ. Gibson forgot his idea in the morning, as he passed out in a Tijuana jail, but Christ remembered. Gibson, at first, was opposed to his own idea, but upon learning of his approxomatley $20,000 debt to Mexican drug kingpins he quickly signed on to the project.
Gibson wrote all of the music for the play in less than three weeks. It took Christ more than two months to write lyrics, which began to frustrate Mel. When Gibson saw the plot, he thought of it as an overy pompous representation of hubris, and told Jesus that if He didn't change it, he would leave the project. He loved Christ, but not that much.
Gibson fufilled his promise, quitting the project. In a fit of rage, he drafted his hit movie The Passion of the Christ as an attack against his ex-partner. As opposed to the flattering play he and Jesus co-wrote, The Passion pretty much showed Christ getting His ass kicked up and down the block for two straight hours.
Jesus Christ Superstar was a huge critical success, but the general public was unable to appreciate the work. The failure of the play started a chain of events, Jesus spent the rest of his life in bitter desperation, struggling with substance abuse, an addiction to pornography, and backstabbing Jews trying to nail him to a 2x4.
It was really John Lennon's boisterous comments that did him in though, when the Romans came to get him, his heart just wasn't in it.
Gibson and Christ got the basic idea for the musical while on drink/drug binge in Tijuana, Mexico. While intoxicated on codeine, marijuana, cheap tequila, and crack cocaine, Contrary to popular belief, crack wasn't invented by the CIA in the 1980s to keep black people down. Gibson first synthasized it in 1967, then distributed it himself for the same purposes Gibson blurted that he wanted to make a musical about the life of the Christ. Gibson forgot his idea in the morning, as he passed out in a Tijuana jail, but Christ remembered. Gibson, at first, was opposed to his own idea, but upon learning of his approxomatley $20,000 debt to Mexican drug kingpins he quickly signed on to the project.
Gibson wrote all of the music for the play in less than three weeks. It took Christ more than two months to write lyrics, which began to frustrate Mel. When Gibson saw the plot, he thought of it as an overy pompous representation of hubris, and told Jesus that if He didn't change it, he would leave the project. He loved Christ, but not that much.
Gibson fufilled his promise, quitting the project. In a fit of rage, he drafted his hit movie The Passion of the Christ as an attack against his ex-partner. As opposed to the flattering play he and Jesus co-wrote, The Passion pretty much showed Christ getting His ass kicked up and down the block for two straight hours.
Jesus Christ Superstar was a huge critical success, but the general public was unable to appreciate the work. The failure of the play started a chain of events, Jesus spent the rest of his life in bitter desperation, struggling with substance abuse, an addiction to pornography, and backstabbing Jews trying to nail him to a 2x4.
It was really John Lennon's boisterous comments that did him in though, when the Romans came to get him, his heart just wasn't in it.
"This was the musical that made me want to go into writing plays. Oh, well, this and RENT, but still."
~ Oscar Wilde on Jesus Christ Superstar
~ Oscar Wilde on Jesus Christ Superstar
Jesus Christ Superstar by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
John McCain
John McCain (Born June 19th, 2086) is an American politican, God and time traveling warrior.
John McCain was genetically engineered in an American Research Facility. Unlike normal humans, McCain contains bodily many organs which allow him to fly, shoot lasers from his eyes, and amass incredible amounts of strength. McCain's skin produced a special layer of transparent nacho cheese, allowing him to time travel without damaging his body or the space time continuum.
McCain attended West Point, where he killed fitty Notre Dame fans at a football game. Because he was soo cool, President Jack Lambert granted him a pardon, and made him Secretary of keeping it real. While there, we was deployed on a secret mission to infiltrate the Soviet Union III. While there, he stripped the sacred burrito from the hands of Josef Stalin and ran it for a 50 yard touch down return. As McCain devoured the burrito, he became immortal, and banished the ghost of George W. Bush from existence with his mind.
As McCain returned to the United States, he was promoted to Arch Duke of Arizona. While there, one of his servants, Adolf Hitler traveled to 1902 and managed to take over the world. Because Adolf was not certified to do this, s a rip in the space time continuum began to slowy destroy the world. McCain warped back to past in pursuit of Hitler, and pwned him. As McCain was about to put Hitler in the Scorpion death-lock, Hitler managed to throw Sand in McCain's eyes and ran away to Germany.
While he was in the past, he killed twenty fundamentalistsand made thier children eat his shit. Never the less, McCain's battle with Hitler had drained his powers, leaving him incapable of escaping from the past for awhile.
While in old Arizona, McCain killed an entire family with his toes, and seized thier home. While claiming residency there, McCain went to war, won a bunch of medals, became a hero, scored with a bunch of really hot girls, and eventually became senator. In 1982, McCain's powers had fully recharged. Although he was eager to return back to the year 21st Century, he realized that he needed to stay, and protect Nachos and porno.
After forseeing the Notre Dame Football team taking over the world, McCain, Thurgood Marshall, and Brian Urlacher traveled forward in time (because all of them pwned they didn't have to worry about all that space time shit). While in the future they struck down all the Notre Dame players, who were armed with Uzis, usinh only their bare hands. Following thier victory, they went back to the present, and smoked up with Zakk Wylde.
John McCain was genetically engineered in an American Research Facility. Unlike normal humans, McCain contains bodily many organs which allow him to fly, shoot lasers from his eyes, and amass incredible amounts of strength. McCain's skin produced a special layer of transparent nacho cheese, allowing him to time travel without damaging his body or the space time continuum.
McCain attended West Point, where he killed fitty Notre Dame fans at a football game. Because he was soo cool, President Jack Lambert granted him a pardon, and made him Secretary of keeping it real. While there, we was deployed on a secret mission to infiltrate the Soviet Union III. While there, he stripped the sacred burrito from the hands of Josef Stalin and ran it for a 50 yard touch down return. As McCain devoured the burrito, he became immortal, and banished the ghost of George W. Bush from existence with his mind.
As McCain returned to the United States, he was promoted to Arch Duke of Arizona. While there, one of his servants, Adolf Hitler traveled to 1902 and managed to take over the world. Because Adolf was not certified to do this, s a rip in the space time continuum began to slowy destroy the world. McCain warped back to past in pursuit of Hitler, and pwned him. As McCain was about to put Hitler in the Scorpion death-lock, Hitler managed to throw Sand in McCain's eyes and ran away to Germany.
While he was in the past, he killed twenty fundamentalistsand made thier children eat his shit. Never the less, McCain's battle with Hitler had drained his powers, leaving him incapable of escaping from the past for awhile.
While in old Arizona, McCain killed an entire family with his toes, and seized thier home. While claiming residency there, McCain went to war, won a bunch of medals, became a hero, scored with a bunch of really hot girls, and eventually became senator. In 1982, McCain's powers had fully recharged. Although he was eager to return back to the year 21st Century, he realized that he needed to stay, and protect Nachos and porno.
After forseeing the Notre Dame Football team taking over the world, McCain, Thurgood Marshall, and Brian Urlacher traveled forward in time (because all of them pwned they didn't have to worry about all that space time shit). While in the future they struck down all the Notre Dame players, who were armed with Uzis, usinh only their bare hands. Following thier victory, they went back to the present, and smoked up with Zakk Wylde.
John McCain by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Papercut
Papercuts are deadly and should be avoided at all times. They are an infamous happening throughout the world, with an increasing occurance rate in Asia. Paper Cuts is a rocking Nirvana song off the Bleach album.
* The first recorded recorded incident of a paper cut was 1240 AD, when an English monk pulled out a bible too quickly. The Book of Psalms flew out of the book and slid across his arm. "Damneth thine verses; I smiteth thee!" and other various curses were heard throughout the monestary.
* 1492 - Columbus sets out to the Americas. Returns from trip bearing gifts, King Ferdinand is angered when a scroll injures him.
* Ten years later, the King perishes due to internal bleeding after swallowing a secret message.
* March of 1865, Portugal bans paper from the country. Unfortunately, this was impossible, as the paperwork to be signed was sent out of the country.
* 1998 - Wisconsin Elementary student Mark Gifadet perfects his paper airplane design; plans for world domination fail when his teacher is struck through the heart with the plane.
* Late 2005 - Cheney is put through hospitalization after Sharkboy throws toilet paper rolls at him.
What to do if Papercutted
Papercuts happen no matter what you do to avoid them. If you are in the wild or bush and receive a papercut you must immediatly flush the wound with urine and fill the cavity of the cut with leper semen. This with stave off death for half an hour. Hobble off to the nearest stream and ritually wash yourself. It's the best you can do.
If you are in the proper facilities, then follow these instructions to heal yourself.
1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Wait, sorry. Fetch a ladle and a laser printer
3. Resume your previous position
4. Take apart the printer and mash it to the consistancy of marmelade
5. Using the ladle, apply the printer juice to the area around the wound
6. Let the wound sit for 2-3 hours
Don't forget that it's always better to avoid such accidents than to have to treat them.
A Cure
Scientists in the Ukraine are currently working on a cure for papercuts; so far there has been great progress. Lead scientists across the nation banded together and put their collective efforts to one project. Pills are in the making, and a protective suit prototype is in testing.
* The first recorded recorded incident of a paper cut was 1240 AD, when an English monk pulled out a bible too quickly. The Book of Psalms flew out of the book and slid across his arm. "Damneth thine verses; I smiteth thee!" and other various curses were heard throughout the monestary.
* 1492 - Columbus sets out to the Americas. Returns from trip bearing gifts, King Ferdinand is angered when a scroll injures him.
* Ten years later, the King perishes due to internal bleeding after swallowing a secret message.
* March of 1865, Portugal bans paper from the country. Unfortunately, this was impossible, as the paperwork to be signed was sent out of the country.
* 1998 - Wisconsin Elementary student Mark Gifadet perfects his paper airplane design; plans for world domination fail when his teacher is struck through the heart with the plane.
* Late 2005 - Cheney is put through hospitalization after Sharkboy throws toilet paper rolls at him.
What to do if Papercutted
Papercuts happen no matter what you do to avoid them. If you are in the wild or bush and receive a papercut you must immediatly flush the wound with urine and fill the cavity of the cut with leper semen. This with stave off death for half an hour. Hobble off to the nearest stream and ritually wash yourself. It's the best you can do.
If you are in the proper facilities, then follow these instructions to heal yourself.
1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Wait, sorry. Fetch a ladle and a laser printer
3. Resume your previous position
4. Take apart the printer and mash it to the consistancy of marmelade
5. Using the ladle, apply the printer juice to the area around the wound
6. Let the wound sit for 2-3 hours
Don't forget that it's always better to avoid such accidents than to have to treat them.
A Cure
Scientists in the Ukraine are currently working on a cure for papercuts; so far there has been great progress. Lead scientists across the nation banded together and put their collective efforts to one project. Pills are in the making, and a protective suit prototype is in testing.
Dry
Dry as a term referring to specific areas or jurisdictions has several meaning - all which have to do with the prohibition of certain beverages.
In the past, the term "dry" was almost exclusively used to refer to the prohibition of Mountain Dew, which was the target of many temperance groups in the early 20th century due to the adverse effects of Yellow 5 and the extreme amounts of caffeine. Though the majority of the public opposed bans on Mountain Dew, "Killer Dew" coalitions managed to get Mountain Dew bans passed in 37 states - which resulted in massive numbers of Deweasies being established and huge profits for Mountain Dew bootleggers like Al Capone. Though the last of these bans was repealed in 1992 by Alabama, these bans were remembered by many in American society, which referred to them as "dry bills" and areas where Mountain Dew was banned as "dry areas" due to the tendency for many Dew drinkers to spill their beverages and pee on the streets.
Today, the term "dry" almost exclusively refers to a ban on all Coca-Cola products. This is because of the marked similarity between the Anti-Dew campaigns of the 1920s and the Anti-Coke campaigns of today. Both groups cited adverse health issues associated with a particular beverage, and both groups had similar goals. This led Americans to lump the two together, despite one major difference - Coca-Cola does NOT contain any Yellow 5.
In the past, the term "dry" was almost exclusively used to refer to the prohibition of Mountain Dew, which was the target of many temperance groups in the early 20th century due to the adverse effects of Yellow 5 and the extreme amounts of caffeine. Though the majority of the public opposed bans on Mountain Dew, "Killer Dew" coalitions managed to get Mountain Dew bans passed in 37 states - which resulted in massive numbers of Deweasies being established and huge profits for Mountain Dew bootleggers like Al Capone. Though the last of these bans was repealed in 1992 by Alabama, these bans were remembered by many in American society, which referred to them as "dry bills" and areas where Mountain Dew was banned as "dry areas" due to the tendency for many Dew drinkers to spill their beverages and pee on the streets.
Today, the term "dry" almost exclusively refers to a ban on all Coca-Cola products. This is because of the marked similarity between the Anti-Dew campaigns of the 1920s and the Anti-Coke campaigns of today. Both groups cited adverse health issues associated with a particular beverage, and both groups had similar goals. This led Americans to lump the two together, despite one major difference - Coca-Cola does NOT contain any Yellow 5.