kodiac1's definitions
Telephoto is commonly referred to telephoto lenses (or tele), for SLRs and some point and shoot cameras. Telephoto lenses on SLRs could range from the mild 100mm to strong 600mm, or even 800-1600mm, with a teleconverter. Tele lenses tend to be very large, depending on how fast they are and thier focal length. Canon's L-series "white lenses" seen at sporting events are commonly f/2.8 for 400mm, or f/4 for 600mm (there are tons of focal lengths and apertures in between). Common optical problems that plague most teles are vignetting, barrel distortion, Pincushion distortion, and chromatic aberration (also known as purple fringing). Most telephoto lenses, and all fast ones, are very expensive. There are cheap ones out there, like the Nikkor 70-300 f/4-5.6G (which you could easily get for about $170). But if you want a pro quality paparazzi/sports style lens like Canon's 600mm f/4L IS USM, you'll have to invest a little under $9000.
by Kodiac1 April 27, 2007
Get the telephoto mug.Welcome to Buckingham Palace, the biggest playground existing, where even Queen Elizabeth and Tony Blair come to play! Here, your kids and grandparents can enjoy a dive in the bath where the balls connect and the world famous enormous pole of exitement(one of Tony's favourites)! Let's have a quick tour, shall we?
Parking lot
Our parking lot is THE place if you like waiting! We have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! Our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don't fit and dirtroad detours!
The entrance
When you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! You can look at two Buckingham Guards... TOTALLY STANDING STILL! Isn't that amazing, kids!? You can kick them and THEY WILL REMAIN STILL! You can test your new collection of BeyBlades and they will STILL STAND STILL! You can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough THEY WILL REMAIN STILL!!! AMAZING!
The staircases
Now here comes a fun part. When you're inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! You can run up them, run down, you can CLIMB then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! Once you're finished, you can go to the...
First aid room
The first aid room is only 5 miles away from the Parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! Tony Blair will look after you! Be sure to have your buttplug with you, as Tony knows a few tricks!
The Queen's room
Legends and myths are told that there's a secret room inside the castle where Queen Elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. Try to find it, lead us to it and get a FREE* icecream cone!
(*)Only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. It's a hard job, you know...
History Lessons!
In here, you can play several games, like "Kampf" or "Gulf War"! Most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! Some of the history teachers include Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (Only for the war in Iraq. He lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about Iraq, too...)
Parking lot
Our parking lot is THE place if you like waiting! We have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! Our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don't fit and dirtroad detours!
The entrance
When you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! You can look at two Buckingham Guards... TOTALLY STANDING STILL! Isn't that amazing, kids!? You can kick them and THEY WILL REMAIN STILL! You can test your new collection of BeyBlades and they will STILL STAND STILL! You can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough THEY WILL REMAIN STILL!!! AMAZING!
The staircases
Now here comes a fun part. When you're inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! You can run up them, run down, you can CLIMB then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! Once you're finished, you can go to the...
First aid room
The first aid room is only 5 miles away from the Parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! Tony Blair will look after you! Be sure to have your buttplug with you, as Tony knows a few tricks!
The Queen's room
Legends and myths are told that there's a secret room inside the castle where Queen Elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. Try to find it, lead us to it and get a FREE* icecream cone!
(*)Only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. It's a hard job, you know...
History Lessons!
In here, you can play several games, like "Kampf" or "Gulf War"! Most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! Some of the history teachers include Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (Only for the war in Iraq. He lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about Iraq, too...)
Buckingham Palace is a fun place to go for a typical father-and-son-day! The whole family can enjoy the pleasures of Tony Blair and the old demented whore who calls herself a queen! Have fun, and don't forget the buttplug!
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Buckingham Palace mug.NASA originally stood for the "National Anal Sex Association". Now NASA stands for the "Nutty Assholes in Space Authority", having changed its focus from bedrooms to the sky. They're still fuckin' anal, though!
NASA was really created as an attempt to fool people into thinking America reached Venus (as Europe did first). It failed to live up to the expectations of NACA.
by kodiac1 July 11, 2006
Get the NASA mug.Sparks is a Relationship Guidance company formed in Los Angeles who use words and music to describe common relationship situations. Led by brothers Ron and Russell Mael, Sparks has managed to release over seventy self-help albums, selling over 200 millions albums worldwide.
The Mael brothers private lives has always been drenched in secrecy. Some say that they're jointly married to eight wives, while Russell fervently claims that he is married to Jacqueline Kennedy.
The Mael brothers private lives has always been drenched in secrecy. Some say that they're jointly married to eight wives, while Russell fervently claims that he is married to Jacqueline Kennedy.
Many songs that Sparks have wrote are used by them to help certain sexual problems...
* For The Girls With Everything (Women who are self-obsessed with plastic surgery)
* All You Ever Think About Is Sex (Relationship friction)
* Thanks But No Thanks (How to turn down advances from prostitutes)
* Don't Leave Me Alone With Her (How to decline advances from women)
* Falling In Love With Myself Again (How to combat Mastrubation)
* For The Girls With Everything (Women who are self-obsessed with plastic surgery)
* All You Ever Think About Is Sex (Relationship friction)
* Thanks But No Thanks (How to turn down advances from prostitutes)
* Don't Leave Me Alone With Her (How to decline advances from women)
* Falling In Love With Myself Again (How to combat Mastrubation)
by kodiac1 July 3, 2006
Get the Sparks mug.The Google Mini is Google's next step in total world domination. They plan to jump on Apple's brilliant iPod bandwagon, and produce a music player of their own. At first glance, anyone can see that Google has invented something new and diffrent, and that it is in no way ripped off from Apple. The Google Mini, however is not just a punny music player, it can be hooked up to any computer running the Google Operating System (GOS) through Google's version of USB (GooSB). Once hooked up to the computer the Google Mini's hidden functions become activated, as it lets Google Command know all the infromation it has gathered about you.
Features of the Google Mini
* It can play music however only music downloaded from the Google Music Store, uploaded through a GooSB cable, and listened to using Google headphones. But other than that, yes it plays music.
* Allows for easy searching All you have to do is think of the first couple lines of a song, press the "Google Search" button on the face plate. The Google Mini will proccess your thoughts, and give you a list of songs with matching lyrics as your search. Note: May not work with black people's brains
* I'm Feeling Lucky button Also on the face plate is a "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. Once pressed, this button will direct you to the nearest bank, so that you may steal some more money to give to Google. The directions are given through subliminal messages inserted into the current song.
* Lower Battery Life Due to all of the fancy features in the Google Mini, it's battery life is 15 minutes per battery. If you would like to increase the battery life by 45 minutes, you can buy a Google Solar Panel at the Google homepage, for the low price of $10,000.
* Mind Control Switch This switch is on the back of the Google Mini and by default is turned on. The Mind Control Switch allows Google to transmit messages to you, via your Google Mini, that will tell which songs to download from the Google Music Store.
Note: Only highly priced song titles will be broadcast - expect to spend between $50 and $60 on music without knowing why when this switch is turned on
* Google Earth Manifesto A small propaganda-on-tape message narrated by Morgan Freeman which details Google's plans for world domination, how Google intends to achieve world domination, and where you, as a loyal member of the Google Earth fit into these plans. When Google was questioned about this contraversial feature, Larry and Sergey came out wearing business casual, telling everyone that everything was fine and no one went inexplicably evil.
Features of the Google Mini
* It can play music however only music downloaded from the Google Music Store, uploaded through a GooSB cable, and listened to using Google headphones. But other than that, yes it plays music.
* Allows for easy searching All you have to do is think of the first couple lines of a song, press the "Google Search" button on the face plate. The Google Mini will proccess your thoughts, and give you a list of songs with matching lyrics as your search. Note: May not work with black people's brains
* I'm Feeling Lucky button Also on the face plate is a "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. Once pressed, this button will direct you to the nearest bank, so that you may steal some more money to give to Google. The directions are given through subliminal messages inserted into the current song.
* Lower Battery Life Due to all of the fancy features in the Google Mini, it's battery life is 15 minutes per battery. If you would like to increase the battery life by 45 minutes, you can buy a Google Solar Panel at the Google homepage, for the low price of $10,000.
* Mind Control Switch This switch is on the back of the Google Mini and by default is turned on. The Mind Control Switch allows Google to transmit messages to you, via your Google Mini, that will tell which songs to download from the Google Music Store.
Note: Only highly priced song titles will be broadcast - expect to spend between $50 and $60 on music without knowing why when this switch is turned on
* Google Earth Manifesto A small propaganda-on-tape message narrated by Morgan Freeman which details Google's plans for world domination, how Google intends to achieve world domination, and where you, as a loyal member of the Google Earth fit into these plans. When Google was questioned about this contraversial feature, Larry and Sergey came out wearing business casual, telling everyone that everything was fine and no one went inexplicably evil.
The Google Mini is now in beta testing. It may still be in beta testing for a few months/years. This is because Google has not yet perfected it's Mind Control, and people who listen to their Google Mini with the Mind Control Switch set to ON tend to kill between 50 and 60 people with names similar to songs and musicians, such as Elenor Rigby of Pikering, Ontario, Canada and Dave Mustardstain of Mesa, Arizona. The United States Goverment has, because of these murders, disallowed Google from finishing it's beta test until it can learn to control Mind Control. The Government doesn't yet know about the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button, however they would probably approve of it.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Google Mini mug.Static Electricity was discovered in an incredibly large box by 4 Tax Collectors. So far, almost 3 applications have been found for it.
In the olden days it was used to drain the colour out of the world, and make everyone walk too fast.
These days however, it is mainly used for Special Effects, used in such films as The Blair Witch Project.
In 600 BC it was discovered that rubbing a piece of amber with cat fur would cause it to attract small pieces of paper. This discovery led to the invention of the first apparatus for the mass production of static electricity, in which a number of cats are attached to the rim of a rotating wheel, aligned such that their fur comes into contact with a specially shaped block of amber.
Maintenance of the device proved to be almost impossible as any engineer attempting to remove the wheel from its mountings would be instantly lacerated by the sharp claws of the highly charged cats, so the 17th century German scientist Otto von Guericke improved on the design by replacing the cats with balls of sulphur.
By this time the uses for static electricity were growing in number and variety, and maintaining the supply of cats and sulphur presented great problems. A method of storing and transporting static electricity was clearly needed.
Early attempts to use cardboard boxes for this job proved unreliable and dangerous, as the electricity would leak from the bottom of the box and cause contamination of the ground. This proved especially problematic for sheep farmers as the escaped electricity would cause the sheeps' wool to stand on end. Any slight breeze would pick up the sheep and carry them for miles, much like a dandelion seed.
Enter the Dutch physicist Pieter van Musschenbroek who hit upon the revolutionary idea of storing the electricity in a bottle. This proved much more reliable because a simple cork could be used to prevent the electricity from spilling out. His invention was titled the Leyden jar because nobody could remember how to spell "van Musschenbroek".
In the olden days it was used to drain the colour out of the world, and make everyone walk too fast.
These days however, it is mainly used for Special Effects, used in such films as The Blair Witch Project.
In 600 BC it was discovered that rubbing a piece of amber with cat fur would cause it to attract small pieces of paper. This discovery led to the invention of the first apparatus for the mass production of static electricity, in which a number of cats are attached to the rim of a rotating wheel, aligned such that their fur comes into contact with a specially shaped block of amber.
Maintenance of the device proved to be almost impossible as any engineer attempting to remove the wheel from its mountings would be instantly lacerated by the sharp claws of the highly charged cats, so the 17th century German scientist Otto von Guericke improved on the design by replacing the cats with balls of sulphur.
By this time the uses for static electricity were growing in number and variety, and maintaining the supply of cats and sulphur presented great problems. A method of storing and transporting static electricity was clearly needed.
Early attempts to use cardboard boxes for this job proved unreliable and dangerous, as the electricity would leak from the bottom of the box and cause contamination of the ground. This proved especially problematic for sheep farmers as the escaped electricity would cause the sheeps' wool to stand on end. Any slight breeze would pick up the sheep and carry them for miles, much like a dandelion seed.
Enter the Dutch physicist Pieter van Musschenbroek who hit upon the revolutionary idea of storing the electricity in a bottle. This proved much more reliable because a simple cork could be used to prevent the electricity from spilling out. His invention was titled the Leyden jar because nobody could remember how to spell "van Musschenbroek".
by kodiac1 July 3, 2006
Get the Static electricity mug.Nuke is the greatest tool of peace ever made. It prevent wars and, then it the war starts, nuke finish it quickly.
Nuking Stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with nazis, right-wing religious groups and crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the old 'drop a nuke' but there are also such more intelligent methods, used by people like George Bush - these include 'get a clever person to plan it for you'.
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine and N-Sync. Professional nukers will also listen to Britney Spears, but this is only for advanced nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more preciseley the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds).
Nuking Stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with nazis, right-wing religious groups and crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the old 'drop a nuke' but there are also such more intelligent methods, used by people like George Bush - these include 'get a clever person to plan it for you'.
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine and N-Sync. Professional nukers will also listen to Britney Spears, but this is only for advanced nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more preciseley the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds).
Nuclear recipe
Here is a recipe to a nuke i found in the oval office
2 kilo's uranium 2 kilo's pie 1 very big empty bomb 60,000 cookies 1 G. bush 1 land to nuke 0 braincells Much insanity
To make:
1. Mix the uranium with the pppie and put it in george bush.
2. Then, after a day, take bush his shit and put it in the bomb.
3. Add cookies
4. Drop it at the land you selected
Done!
The small letter: Uranium can only be found in bush his secret bunker or the planet ur-anus.
Here is a recipe to a nuke i found in the oval office
2 kilo's uranium 2 kilo's pie 1 very big empty bomb 60,000 cookies 1 G. bush 1 land to nuke 0 braincells Much insanity
To make:
1. Mix the uranium with the pppie and put it in george bush.
2. Then, after a day, take bush his shit and put it in the bomb.
3. Add cookies
4. Drop it at the land you selected
Done!
The small letter: Uranium can only be found in bush his secret bunker or the planet ur-anus.
by kodiac1 July 12, 2006
Get the Nuke mug.