masturbike 

masturbike
(v): to stroke one's shaft until semen is ejaculated from the penis. While riding an effing bike. Seriously.

Happens sometimes at Colorado College...

Possibly the most perverted act one could ever commit.

"Did you see that sick pedophile masturbiking while he passed by all of those eight year old children? He just loves to masturbike; it's his favorite pastime."

masturbike by bassist9999999 September 3, 2009

masturbate and switch 

Masturbate and switch — the erotic KINK of having sex with one person while thinking of another; or, of talking dirty to a sexual partner and allowing them to verbally — either from your mouth or theirs — acknowledge deep sexual attraction for another person; or, for an extreme sexual scenario.

This is not a practice for the sexually insecure — unless insecurity is your particular KINK!!!!!

On the one hand, if one wants to enjoy the depth sexuality of another, the partner has to be made to feel comfortable physically, mentally and spiritually.

On the other hand, one would have to ask if their ego is strong enough to facilitate the unbridled sexuality and fantasy life of another.

Well…you don’t hit home runs unless you swing for the fences. And, on the other hand, if you swing too hard and miss YOU CAN STRIKE OUT!!!!!!

Unless you are a “sex-pert” DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!!!

But if you are ever semi-single in Negril at a Club Med — and you didn’t hear this from me — give it a shot!!!!!!!

Remember: NOT A PRACTICE FOR THE SEXUALLY TIMID AND INSECURE!!!!!!

Him: Wow, that was a quick orgasm, babe!!! You must have been really horny.

Her: Naw. I did a masturbate and switch and IT GOT REALLY GOOD TO ME!!!!!!

Him: Tell me what you were thinking so I can masturbate and switch, too!!!!!!!!!

masturbate and switch by Mind Hunter the Profiler June 21, 2023

Masturbaker's dozen 

The pinnacle of all dedicated feckless cum-shedders whereby the participant aims to ejaculate more than 13 times in a 24 hour period. 13 loads in generally accepted by industry insiders as being the level that separates the men from the boys.

'I did it , I did the masturbaker's dozen! Admittedly the last six were with a floppy and the jizz was purely gaseous, but by golly I finally did it. Now it's off to the doctor for me to get some ointment for the blisters and tennis elbow..'

Masturbaker's dozen by Anonymous submissions December 10, 2016

Masturbetes 

a common yet often undiagnosed disease normally developed in but not limited to the late teens, namely freshman year of college. Although it can be seen in the rare female case, Masturbetes affects mainly males. This disease causes the testicles to produce large amounts of semen and testosterone, thus causing a drastic peak in the sexual desire and arousal of the afflicted male, who is scientifically referred to as a Masturbetic. The most common treatment is excessive masturbation, usually accompanied by the viewing of pornographic materials. Another symptom is increased aggressive behavior towards the female sex mostly in an attempt to receive a sort of assisted treatment from said female. Rejection can lead to the Maturbetic engaging in further self-treatment. Ejaculation reduces elevated sexual desire and semen in Masturbetics, similar to how insulin shots decrease abnormally high blood sugar in diabetics. Severe cases call for around 3-5 rounds of intense treatment to curb desire and reduce the amount of semen to normal levels. Lubrication is advised in such cases to avoid irritation of the penile region.

"Dude...I just went to the doctor, and I got diagnosed with masturbetes..."

"That's why you jerk off so much! that sucks man"

"Not really, I got a doctor's note, and now that I'm a Masturbetic, I can slap my johnson in class"

Masturbetes by FroknKoko December 3, 2011

masturbasement 

secluded, underground space in your home where you can finally jerk off in peace

"After my wife goes to sleep and I kick all of my guy friends out of my downstairs mancave, I get out my pornos and turn it into my very own private masturbasement."

masturbasement by Eric Rohmer October 10, 2014

masturbate 

Act people commit when browsing Urban Dictionary

All these definitions make me want to masturbate

masturbate by 32121 July 22, 2016

masturbate 

To stimulate the genitals for a jolt of pleasure (orgasm).

John wanted to masturbate, so he clicked on the computer in the darkly lit room. He typed “porn hub” into the search bar and took off his jeans. He quickly took off his boxers and let his dick feel the fresh air. He clicked the most popular result and started watching the porn.
He felt his dick harden when he got to the sex. He felt aroused, so he started to wank. It filled him up with pleasure. The head of his dick became covered with precum and he started wanking faster. It felt so good to him. He started to stroke it and rub it. His penis was dripping with precum.

He felt his dick become heavy and the head full. The threesome on the screen were arousing John even more. John let out a deep moan of pleasure and a hot stream of jizz sprayed out of his member. Semen covered his lap, as his dick bobbled around to let out a few more spurts of cum. He kept wanking, then his door opened. John was so scared, he almost ripped his dick off.
His dick layed flaccid across his naked legs, then he walked to the bathroom, his legs coated with semen.

masturbate by Well, shit. December 21, 2017