17 definition by Well, shit.

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To stimulate the genitals for a jolt of pleasure (orgasm).
John wanted to masturbate, so he clicked on the computer in the darkly lit room. He typed “porn hub” into the search bar and took off his jeans. He quickly took off his boxers and let his dick feel the fresh air. He clicked the most popular result and started watching the porn.
He felt his dick harden when he got to the sex. He felt aroused, so he started to wank. It filled him up with pleasure. The head of his dick became covered with precum and he started wanking faster. It felt so good to him. He started to stroke it and rub it. His penis was dripping with precum.

He felt his dick become heavy and the head full. The threesome on the screen were arousing John even more. John let out a deep moan of pleasure and a hot stream of jizz sprayed out of his member. Semen covered his lap, as his dick bobbled around to let out a few more spurts of cum. He kept wanking, then his door opened. John was so scared, he almost ripped his dick off.
His dick layed flaccid across his naked legs, then he walked to the bathroom, his legs coated with semen.
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by Well, shit. December 21, 2017

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Sucking sensation on the penis for an orgasm.
Matt heard his mom shut the door behind her. He raced to the utility closet and got out the vacuum cleaner. He quickly took off his pants and boxers. His penis felt the fresh air. Matt had a boner. He plugged in the vacuum and switched it on.

He jammed his dick and ballsack into the nozzle and felt it suck. The setting was in the middle. He felt pleasure throughout his body. The blowjob felt amazing. He moaned and groaned. His penis became heavily coated with precum. He felt the head become heavy and swollen.

He let out a moan as he released jizz all inside the nozzle. Pleasure tingled in his cock. His penis let out lots of cum. He then decided to put it on maximum. It was so good. His cock and ballsack were covered with jizz and he loved the hard suck.

He became flaccid, and the vacuum cleaner was still sucking, so Matt went to switch it off. He was too far from the switch, so he tried taking out his penis. The vacuum cleaner was too strong. His balls started to ache. His penis was being stretched so much, it hurt. Cold air rushed and hit his balls. His genitals were being sucked on so hard, they were stuck. He fell to the ground, unable to get up.

He was stuck for about an hour now, and his balls were hurting so bad. His dick was numb and flaccid. He was trapped in the blowjob. His testicles were red and blotchy. His genitals were droopy and semen covered. The vacuum cleaner didn’t stop sucking. It even felt as it sucked harder every minute.
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by Well, shit. December 22, 2017

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A wedgie is when you wear hanging underwear (or tighty whiteys) that are pulled up to fit inside the ass crack. It causes great pain and is often used as a form of bullying.
Peter, exhausted from PE, went to change his uniform. The school bully, Spike, went up to him and saw him wear tighty whiteys. The school bully yanked him from the waistband and dragged him down the corridor. The wedgie was so horrible, he thought he’d scream. Spike gazed at the flagpole and lowered it, it was torture to Pete. As the rope descended, Peter was hung from the flag pole. Spike made him chug a gallon of water, with laxatives. His mouth was burning. He tied Pete’s hands and legs together and put duct tape over his mouth. He was hoisted nine feet into the air, squirming to get down. Then the recess bell rang. Kids rushed out, only to see Pete hanging, near naked, from the flagpole. Spike yelled “WATCH THIS!” Many kids focused their vision to Spike, as he had a stolen football. He tossed it to land on Peter’s balls. It cause a great deal of pain and he squirmed, pissing in his underwear. It sprayed everywhere. Kids ran to take cover, but Pete wasn’t done yet. He shit all over his underpants, turning the underwear brown. His screaming was muffled. It sagged past his dick and started filling up his undies. Spike took the chance to pull him down further, his balls, dick, and ass in agony. He bounced, trying to get a rip. Pete did, and the rip tore him down from the flagpole. His shit ‘n’ piss filled underwear tore, his ass and dick out. He was tied together, trying to wriggle away to no avail. Spike then ran up as fast as he could, and kicked him right in his balls.
by Well, shit. December 21, 2017

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An enormous amount of jizz to come out during masturbation or sex.
Carl was jerking off to some porn when he finally cummed. A hot load of jizz coated everything in front of him, a cumsplosion. He didn’t stop though. The stream of hot jizz didn’t look like it was about to stop. The stream kept coming. Carl tried to stop it by holding his dick tight but it hurt like hell. He stepped out of his chair and it still rushed out. The dripping stream didn’t stop. He tried putting on pants but filled up with cum. He went out naked. He bravely stepped out of his house to try and get help but then the door locked behind him. His cock dripped with cum faster and faster. His raging boner was rock hard. He then saw his crush walking toward him.
by Well, shit. January 18, 2018

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Warning for anal sex - typically said by men.
Mary woke up to a choking sensation. She was lying down, so she proceeded to get up. She felt her neck being tugged, a collar attached to a bed frame. She was naked and ball gagged. She then saw a drunk man enter the room. He stripped down and pulled her out of the cum soaked bed. She fell on the floor, cold with semen.

“B-bend over bitch!” he drunkenly said. She was bent over forceably and she felt a dick penetrate her ass. It hurt and she felt it tear. He kept thrusting and thrusting until it bled. He had cummed in her ass and she felt the juices squish around. He left the room.

Mary almost caught her breath when three other guys walked in. Then it all hit her at once. The first guy stuck his dick in her ass, the second in her cunt, and the third titty-fucked her. She felt the ball-gag being squishy but then realised it had been replaced with a dick. When they left, she felt a buttplug and a vibratory enter her. She cummed ten times that night.
by Well, shit. January 16, 2018

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A dare/punishment where you must have sex with a snowman, naked. The action may go on for 20-30 minutes.
Jack was playing beer pong at his friend’s house during a snowstorm. Dan, his opponent finished before him. The punishment was snowman sex. Jack stripped down naked, put his clothes on the kitchen table and went outside. The guys locked the door behind Jack so he couldn’t escape. There was a ready-made snowman outside, so he started shallow fucking it. The cold crept up his dick, making it hard. He stuck his entire cock inside the snowman and kept fucking. The guys were taping the whole thing. He then stuck his dick inside the snowman’s mouth and kept fucking. The cold was unbearable. He orgasmed and cummed inside the snowman and kept fucking it for another good twenty minutes. His balls hit the snowman’s hard ass repeatedly. After, his balls were frozen and his dick hard. His entire body was freezing.
by Well, shit. December 22, 2017

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The start of a really cheesey pick-up line.
*Damn girl,* are you from Tennessee? Well you’re the only ten year old I see!
*Damn girl,* did you fall from heaven? Because you look like your face broke in eighteen places.
*Damn girl,* I just lost my phone number, and my social security details.
*Damn girl,* do you have an oxygen mask? Because I’m FUCKING DYING
*Damn girl,* I’m new here, can you give me directions to the nearest AA meeting?
*Damn girl,* if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put D, I, C, K, and S together.
*Damn girl,* is it hot in here, or is it just climate change?
*Damn girl,* are you tired? Because I slashed your tires.
*Damn girl,* lucky I have my library card so I can slit your neck!
by Well, shit. December 26, 2017

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