2 year old in tub: "Mommy, my private can float on the water!"
Me: "That's great sweetie, now stop touching it ok?"

Wow, 10 Amazon boxes showed up on my door today. My Amazheimer's must be acting up again.

Person 1: Bro, your Amazheimer's is getting out of control.
Person 2: It's OK, I have Prime.

Some parents tell their children to wash their privates in the bath.

Chad : Wow don't you just love It when Kiersten wears Shorts to work!
Craig : Oh you can kinda see her Privates when she bends over!
Chad : And don't you just love it when Jim wears Shorts to work too!
Craig : Fuck dude I was thinking about pussy and you had to say that!
Chad : It kinda gives you an idea of what his Privates look like when he bends over!
Craig : Just shut the fuck up!

How's it going boss?
Leave me alone private.

We did in private because it was so great, we might have done something illegal.

SGT: hey high speed didn't i tell you pick that shit up off the side walk.
PVT: well what you see happend is i was going too but then i was hit by a car and i forgot.
SGT: I don't wanna hear that bullshit pvt, now get to picking that shit up, before i make you do some fucking flutter kicks you fucking scumbag.