Malort

Formally known as Jeppson's Malört Liquer. A vile adult beverage, usually consumed unfortunately, generally as a punishment. Drank as a shot, sometimes frozen, or used in some sort of fucked up white trash horror movie style drinking game. Tasting notes: Driving through Gary Indiana with your mouth open and head out the window. Overall opinion: This liquor belongs in one place and that is in the mouth of your enemys.

Jesus Christ, not another fucking shot of Malort. That is the most vile fucking shit I have ever tasted. I would rather suck-start a fucking shotgun than drink this shit again.

by I hate Malort September 26, 2020

malört

Jeppson’s Malört is Chicago’s local beskbrännvin — a style of bitter, wormwood-based, Swedish schnapps.

I had a shot of "Jeppson's Malört" to cure my hangover.

by zakkates January 12, 2014

Malort spritzer

When in Chicago, a homeless man jumps out of a dumpster and ejaculates on you.

Did you hear what happened to Kyle on his way to Wrigley Field? Dude took a Malort Spritzer to the face.

by TheMonkey69 August 24, 2022

Malort face

Expression you have when you just realized you crapped your pants.

Buying shots of this liquor for people is worth it just to see their malort face!

by Professor grandmaster G April 19, 2018

hot Malört

The bitter post-fellatio aftertaste that comes from a man who's been drinking too much weird liquor.

Abe is so thoughtful... he always brings me pineapple juice to wash it down when he's been doing shots and knows he's about to give me a hot Malört.

by MaryTodd1818 February 18, 2021

Hot Malört

Getting cock blocked by a person named Matt while already having sex in a jacuzzi

Matt: Hey this is my room!
Max: Matt, go to bed.

Matt: STOP HAVING SEX IN MY BATHTUB.
Karen: Well fuck if this isn’t worse than hot Malört.

by Unkindestpluto March 30, 2019

malörtion

1. n. A taste that is so bad (like malört) that your tongue wants to abort itself.
2. n. A foul taste that brings back strong memories and sparks sad, woeful conversations of regret.
3. n. A bad decision. Something that you wish you could take back.

Last night I made out with a super hot guy. He looked great but his breath was so bad that I almost had a malörtion.

by picc285 April 14, 2019