tard fam guarantee 

This is what we call a guarantee that is made by any of the tard fam members. This is the most useless and hopeless guarantee ever. Usually anytime a tard fam member makes a guarantee of any sorts, you can take all your money to Vegas and bet on the opposite happening with supreme confidence. As we have already known, tard fam has no idea whatsoever on what they are talking about and as a result they think that they are smarter than they actually are. Since they think they're so smart, they may let their tard side show a little when they go around making all these promises and guarantees.

Norman "Nick": Dude, I guarantee that I am the least retarded person in this chat. It's probably York if we're being honest.
York: Dude, that's cap asf. I guarantee that Mike Carlson is more of a retard than me.
Armando: Looks like both of you woke up this morning and decided to acted retarded all day. Shut your asses up with your wack ass tard fam guarantees.

tard fam guarantee by TurnM3Up July 21, 2020

Ryan Guarantee 

Term used to describe something that is almost guaranteed to happen.

A Ryan guarantee is worth 90% of an actual guarantee

I give you a Ryan guarantee that I wont drink too much tonight

Ryan Guarantee by AaronFromTheBlock January 18, 2020

the nard dog guarantee 

a guarantee put out by Andrew Bernard (from the Office)... something that stands firm

Andy Bernard: Of course you can count on me, I'm giving it the nard dog guarantee

the nard dog guarantee by tommyboy6688 February 21, 2010

Fraud Guarantee 

A super stupid name for a technology firm that is supposedly set up to protect its customers from being defrauded but may be the direct connection with the savvy fraudsters themselves.

Let’s just say that when I found Fraud Guarantee I was entirely solvent but after doing business with Mr. Parnas for about a year, I was living in my car.

Fraud Guarantee by Dr Bunnygirl November 6, 2019

fact guaranteed 

A "fact guaranteed" is an emphatic affirmation of a thing or a situation (usually positive), that is either held to be true or about to happen.

Something agreed upon.

A promise, a binding oral contract.

person 1: you going to Rock Werchter hey?
person 2: fact guaranteed man, fucking fact guaranteed!

fact guaranteed by burkehey October 13, 2009

Korm Guarantee 

The firmest assurance that certain conditions will be fulfilled; a promise that should never be doubted.

Daniel gave a Korm Guarantee that they would win, so everyone placed their bets on Arsenal to win the league.

Korm Guarantee by FletchTheGreat July 1, 2016

I guarantee it 

George Zimmer's closing statement, especially after the successful use of his monolithic man meat.

Hi, I’m George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the men's wearhouse. While surreptitiously plunging my rosy-cheeked cyclopean ally into the anal cavity of a young migrant farm worker of indeterminate gender in the front row of a movie theater, the poor youth screamed for more than three minutes straight, finally coughing up a load of 100% pure Zimmer sauce and passing out. The other movie patrons, angry at the interruption of the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl in 3-d, began pelting me with drinks, food, and phone numbers hastily written on napkins. Unfortunately, my outrageously dapper suit was ruined in the process. I nonchalantly pulled the unconscious youth off my enormous eyeball gouger and stripped nude. Then, with a bestial roar, I beat the entire audience to death--without leaving the front row. On my way out, in the custom of the Zimmer family, I gave them a burial at semen. I guarantee it.

I guarantee it by ms. anonymous September 10, 2008