Canada's
History is a depraved sexual act first performed around 1898 in the lawless Yukon territory by "Meaty" Georges Gagnon, a
French-Canadian prospector during the Klondike Gold Rush. Georges performed the act on many willing and unwilling
men, women, children, and domesticated animals (the rumors of this act being performed on
moose and kodiak bears are unconfirmed). The act was called a "Dark mar on Canada's
History" by local politicians, and "the only interesting thing in Canada's History" by American papers sensationalizing the Klondike Gold Rush.
The act itself was said to originally consist of Georges approaching with moose antlers strapped to his
head. Georges (known for having meaty lumberjack hands) would then proceed to fist the orifice of his victim. Georges would proceed to insert his penis into the fist within the orifice and
masturbate to ejaculation.
Georges used "the only lubrication worthy of a true Canadian Gold Man", maple syrup. He would chug the syrup, while cursing the
Queen and lavishly praising Gold.
Modernly, the act has changed to honor
hockey legend, Wayne Gretzky (many considered it source of his greatness). A proper rendition of Canada's History now requires that the victim be bent over, face resting in the cup, which is filled to the brim with maple syrup.
The act risks asphyxiation and is so dangerous that Canadian Healthcare System uses a form called a 1206c(
h), which is to be filled out in the case of injuries resulting from the act.
Roommate 1: Geez, eh, you were loud last night with that
girl. What were you doing in there, Canadas
History?
Roommate 2: No, but not for a lack of trying, eh. We were out of maple syrup.
Roommate 1: Fine Canadians we are eh? Forgive us Georges.
