Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing God said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit", said God.
"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly.
"It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having a forbidden fruit break and he was very angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you do it?" God asked exasperatedly.
"I dunno," Adam answered.
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give your children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be so hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling his children, what makes you think it should be a piece of cake for you?
And the first thing God said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit", said God.
"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly.
"It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having a forbidden fruit break and he was very angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you do it?" God asked exasperatedly.
"I dunno," Adam answered.
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give your children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be so hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling his children, what makes you think it should be a piece of cake for you?
by alvit May 17, 2009
Get the kid mug.Just recently I posted the following note very low on my refrigerator door.
"Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough."
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on
the front door:
"TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't (2) If you don't want their hair on
your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4)
normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't
hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't
want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children."
"Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough."
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on
the front door:
"TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't (2) If you don't want their hair on
your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4)
normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't
hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't
want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children."
by alvit May 15, 2009
Get the pet mug.Here are some examples from Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line
so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0 0 0.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to
talk to you.
And...if you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line
so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0 0 0.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to
talk to you.
And...if you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.
by alvit July 06, 2009
Get the Psychiatry mug.I have lived in Nevada for many years and have found it to be a wonderful place to live and raise a family. The state is filled with beautiful landscapes that encompass the splendor of Lake Tahoe’s snow covered mountains and the quiet beauty of the Mojave Desert.
Nevada is filled with hard-working people from all walks of life and backgrounds. Its rich history and western spirit make Nevada a unique and magnificent place to live.
Nevada is filled with hard-working people from all walks of life and backgrounds. Its rich history and western spirit make Nevada a unique and magnificent place to live.
by alvit June 26, 2009
Get the Nevada mug.Homosexuality is a sexual orientation toward people of the same sex. Homosexuality contrasts with heterosexuality, sexual orientation toward people of the opposite sex. People with a sexual orientation toward members of both sexes are called bisexuals . Female homosexuals are frequently called lesbians. In recent years, the term gay has been applied to both homosexual men and women.
Homosexuality appears in virtually all social contexts-within different community settings, socioeconomic levels, and ethnic and religious groups. The number of homosexuals in the population is difficult to determine, and reliable data do not exist. However, current estimates suggest that the term homosexual may apply to 2 to 4 percent of men. Estimates for lesbians are lower. Not all people who engage in homosexual activity necessarily identify themselves as homosexual.
Their attitudes toward homosexual behavior have varied with time and place. In ancient Greece, homosexual relations were acceptable and, in some cases, expected activity in certain segments of society. Later attitudes toward homosexuality in the Western world were determined largely by prevailing Judeo-Christian moral codes, which treat homosexuality as immoral or sinful. But like many other sins, homosexual relations were seen as expressions of the weakness inherent in all human beings, and not as a mental illness or as the behavior of a specific type of person. This latter view, which regarded homosexuality as a pathology, developed in the late 19th century. By the beginning of the 20th century, psychoanalysts viewed homosexuals as the victims of faulty development, and Austrian physician Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, considered homosexuality a deviant condition. More recently, scientists have searched for a biological explanation for sexual orientation. A study published in 1993 sought to identify a genetic marker for sexual orientation, but the research did not include a cross section of the population and was inconclusive.
During the first half of the 20th century, attitudes toward homosexuality were overwhelmingly negative. Homosexual activities were hidden and spoken of only in whispers, and homosexual behavior, even among consenting adults, was a criminal offense in most of the United States. Homosexuals were subject to stereotypes and prejudice. Gay men were viewed as effeminate, lesbians were portrayed as mannish, and both were seen as being obsessed with sex, with little self-control or morality. Homosexuals frequently were thought to be potential child molesters. In the 1930s and during World War II (1939-1945), homosexuals were targets of persecution in Nazi Germany.
Prejudices against homosexuals in Western societies have only recently begun to change. The first major shift followed the publication of two famous reports, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1952), by American biologist Alfred Charles Kinsey. Although these works contained inflated estimates of the homosexual population and the incidence of behavior, they provided a more realistic picture of homosexuality and helped demystify it. Unlike earlier studies which focused on homosexuals who had sought medical or psychological help, the Kinsey reports described homosexuals outside of clinical settings. Kinsey found homosexuals in all walks of life, growing up in all kinds of families, practicing many different religions. As a result of the ensuing scientific discussion, the American Psychiatric Association in 1973 eliminated homosexuality from its list of mental disorders and, in 1980, dropped it from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.
In recent years, people who support homosexual rights have worked and demonstrated to increase those rights. In the United States, the watershed event for homosexual activism was the Stonewall riot, which protested a police raid on a gay bar in New York City in 1969. It was the first public protest by homosexuals against harassment by police. Since then, homosexual communities in the United States have organized to work for gay rights. Such groups include the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, a civil rights organization that promotes equality and freedom from prejudice and discrimination for gays and lesbians; Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, which provides legal representation for gays and lesbians; and the Human Rights Campaign Fund, which lobbies state and national legislators. Gay-rights activist groups are also involved in educational and political activities.
One of the greatest challenges to face the homosexual community was the outbreak of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) in the early 1980s. In the United States, the disease first became prevalent among gay men and spread with devastating effect. When little was known about the disease and how it was spread, AIDS patients and homosexuals experienced an increase in discrimination in housing and health insurance. Many people protested agencies of the U.S. government-including the Centers for Disease Control, the National Institutes of Health, and the Food and Drug Administration-claiming they were slow to respond and study the disease and search for treatment. More organizations were formed to help educate people about the disease and to help AIDS patients get proper care.
In the 1990s homosexual-rights groups addressed a number of other issues, including the rights of gay and lesbian families. Homosexual marriages are not recognized by any state in the United States, and homosexual couples in long-term relationships do not have the same legal protection as people in heterosexual marriages. Adopting children is also problematic for homosexuals, although some states allow a same-sex partner to adopt the biological child of the other partner. Two states, Florida and New Hampshire, have laws which prevent a homosexual couple from adopting a child who is not the biological child of either partner.
Another area in which activists have worked for change is the policy toward gays and lesbians in the military. Before the Clinton administration altered the policy in 1993, candidates for military service filled out a form that included a question on sexual orientation. Under the new policy, popularly called "don't ask, don't tell," that question has been eliminated. Sexual orientation is now considered a personal matter and not a bar to entry or a cause for separation from the military unless the individual engages in homosexual behavior. However, some people consider the policy inadequate because it still forbids homosexual activity.
As activists have worked to secure the rights of homosexuals, the homosexual community has become a more visible presence in society. National publications, such as Christopher Street and The Advocate, have appeared, and churches to serve the homosexual community have been established. With the advent of gay-rights studies programs at many universities, homosexuals have begun to reclaim their history.
As homosexual communities became more visible, large numbers of homosexuals-including some prominent people-have openly declared their identity as homosexuals and demanded their right to equal and respectful treatment. There are now openly gay representatives in the Congress of the United States, and across the country openly gay officials have pursued and often won office.
Homosexuality appears in virtually all social contexts-within different community settings, socioeconomic levels, and ethnic and religious groups. The number of homosexuals in the population is difficult to determine, and reliable data do not exist. However, current estimates suggest that the term homosexual may apply to 2 to 4 percent of men. Estimates for lesbians are lower. Not all people who engage in homosexual activity necessarily identify themselves as homosexual.
Their attitudes toward homosexual behavior have varied with time and place. In ancient Greece, homosexual relations were acceptable and, in some cases, expected activity in certain segments of society. Later attitudes toward homosexuality in the Western world were determined largely by prevailing Judeo-Christian moral codes, which treat homosexuality as immoral or sinful. But like many other sins, homosexual relations were seen as expressions of the weakness inherent in all human beings, and not as a mental illness or as the behavior of a specific type of person. This latter view, which regarded homosexuality as a pathology, developed in the late 19th century. By the beginning of the 20th century, psychoanalysts viewed homosexuals as the victims of faulty development, and Austrian physician Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, considered homosexuality a deviant condition. More recently, scientists have searched for a biological explanation for sexual orientation. A study published in 1993 sought to identify a genetic marker for sexual orientation, but the research did not include a cross section of the population and was inconclusive.
During the first half of the 20th century, attitudes toward homosexuality were overwhelmingly negative. Homosexual activities were hidden and spoken of only in whispers, and homosexual behavior, even among consenting adults, was a criminal offense in most of the United States. Homosexuals were subject to stereotypes and prejudice. Gay men were viewed as effeminate, lesbians were portrayed as mannish, and both were seen as being obsessed with sex, with little self-control or morality. Homosexuals frequently were thought to be potential child molesters. In the 1930s and during World War II (1939-1945), homosexuals were targets of persecution in Nazi Germany.
Prejudices against homosexuals in Western societies have only recently begun to change. The first major shift followed the publication of two famous reports, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1952), by American biologist Alfred Charles Kinsey. Although these works contained inflated estimates of the homosexual population and the incidence of behavior, they provided a more realistic picture of homosexuality and helped demystify it. Unlike earlier studies which focused on homosexuals who had sought medical or psychological help, the Kinsey reports described homosexuals outside of clinical settings. Kinsey found homosexuals in all walks of life, growing up in all kinds of families, practicing many different religions. As a result of the ensuing scientific discussion, the American Psychiatric Association in 1973 eliminated homosexuality from its list of mental disorders and, in 1980, dropped it from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.
In recent years, people who support homosexual rights have worked and demonstrated to increase those rights. In the United States, the watershed event for homosexual activism was the Stonewall riot, which protested a police raid on a gay bar in New York City in 1969. It was the first public protest by homosexuals against harassment by police. Since then, homosexual communities in the United States have organized to work for gay rights. Such groups include the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, a civil rights organization that promotes equality and freedom from prejudice and discrimination for gays and lesbians; Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, which provides legal representation for gays and lesbians; and the Human Rights Campaign Fund, which lobbies state and national legislators. Gay-rights activist groups are also involved in educational and political activities.
One of the greatest challenges to face the homosexual community was the outbreak of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) in the early 1980s. In the United States, the disease first became prevalent among gay men and spread with devastating effect. When little was known about the disease and how it was spread, AIDS patients and homosexuals experienced an increase in discrimination in housing and health insurance. Many people protested agencies of the U.S. government-including the Centers for Disease Control, the National Institutes of Health, and the Food and Drug Administration-claiming they were slow to respond and study the disease and search for treatment. More organizations were formed to help educate people about the disease and to help AIDS patients get proper care.
In the 1990s homosexual-rights groups addressed a number of other issues, including the rights of gay and lesbian families. Homosexual marriages are not recognized by any state in the United States, and homosexual couples in long-term relationships do not have the same legal protection as people in heterosexual marriages. Adopting children is also problematic for homosexuals, although some states allow a same-sex partner to adopt the biological child of the other partner. Two states, Florida and New Hampshire, have laws which prevent a homosexual couple from adopting a child who is not the biological child of either partner.
Another area in which activists have worked for change is the policy toward gays and lesbians in the military. Before the Clinton administration altered the policy in 1993, candidates for military service filled out a form that included a question on sexual orientation. Under the new policy, popularly called "don't ask, don't tell," that question has been eliminated. Sexual orientation is now considered a personal matter and not a bar to entry or a cause for separation from the military unless the individual engages in homosexual behavior. However, some people consider the policy inadequate because it still forbids homosexual activity.
As activists have worked to secure the rights of homosexuals, the homosexual community has become a more visible presence in society. National publications, such as Christopher Street and The Advocate, have appeared, and churches to serve the homosexual community have been established. With the advent of gay-rights studies programs at many universities, homosexuals have begun to reclaim their history.
As homosexual communities became more visible, large numbers of homosexuals-including some prominent people-have openly declared their identity as homosexuals and demanded their right to equal and respectful treatment. There are now openly gay representatives in the Congress of the United States, and across the country openly gay officials have pursued and often won office.
by alvit July 21, 2009
Get the gay mug."OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetheart says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Darling, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy girl takes your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going topless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along with her.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... you are told to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the car park.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy girl takes your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going topless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along with her.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... you are told to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the car park.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
What a drag it is getting old!
by alvit July 07, 2009
Get the Old mug.In the beginning there was the computer. And God said:
%Create the heaven and earth!
#Enter user id.
%God
#Enter password.
%Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
%Create the heaven and earth!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create earth
#Done
%Run earth
#And God created the heavens and earth and they were dark. And God
saw
there were 0 errors.
%Let there be light!
#Too many perameters. Try again.
%Create light
#Done
%Run light
#And thus there was Day and Night
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#Good morning, God, Welcome to the UNIVERSE network
%Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognisable command. Try again.
%Create firmament
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
%Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and
letthe dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
%Create dry_land
#Done.
%Run dry_land
#And God created dry land. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
%Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
%Run sun_moon_stars
#And God created the lights in the heavens. And God saw there were 0
errors.
%Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit
tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself,
upon the earth.
#Error unmatched 'grass'
%Create grass_herbs_fruit
#Done
%Run grass_herbs_fruit
#And God brought fprth grass and herb yielding seed and the trees
yielding fruit. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
%Create fish
#Done
%Create fowl
#Done
%Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind
and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
%Create cattle
#Done
%Create creepy_things
#Done
%Run cattle, creepy_things
#And God created cattle to graze over the land and creepy crawly
thingsto fly about the night. And God saw that there were
0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
%Now let us make man in our image
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create man
#Done
%Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of
the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
#Too many command operands. Try again.
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
%Insert breath
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
%Move man to Garden of Eden
#Directory Garden of Eden does not exist.
%Create Garden.edn#Done
%Move man Garden.edn#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
%Copy Garden.edn\man Garden.edn\woman
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
%Insert woman into man
#Illegal parameters. Try again.
%Insert man into woman
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
%Create desire
#Done
%Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create freewill
#Done
%Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
%Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Help
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Bugger {backspace}
%Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create good, evil
#Done
%Run evil
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in
Garden.edn#1 errors.
%Grep Garden.edn\ 'man' 'woman'
#Search failed.
%Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
%Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Stop
#Unrecognizable command. Try again
%Break
%Break
%Break
#*** ATTENTION, God: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE
LOG OFF***
%Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
files
before new ones can be created.
%Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Please confirm n.
%yes
#*** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME
SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW***
#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
#Approx. funds remaining: $00.00.
%Create the heaven and earth!
#Enter user id.
%God
#Enter password.
%Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
%Create the heaven and earth!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create earth
#Done
%Run earth
#And God created the heavens and earth and they were dark. And God
saw
there were 0 errors.
%Let there be light!
#Too many perameters. Try again.
%Create light
#Done
%Run light
#And thus there was Day and Night
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#Good morning, God, Welcome to the UNIVERSE network
%Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognisable command. Try again.
%Create firmament
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
%Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and
letthe dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
%Create dry_land
#Done.
%Run dry_land
#And God created dry land. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
%Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
%Run sun_moon_stars
#And God created the lights in the heavens. And God saw there were 0
errors.
%Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit
tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself,
upon the earth.
#Error unmatched 'grass'
%Create grass_herbs_fruit
#Done
%Run grass_herbs_fruit
#And God brought fprth grass and herb yielding seed and the trees
yielding fruit. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
%Create fish
#Done
%Create fowl
#Done
%Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind
and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
%Create cattle
#Done
%Create creepy_things
#Done
%Run cattle, creepy_things
#And God created cattle to graze over the land and creepy crawly
thingsto fly about the night. And God saw that there were
0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
%Now let us make man in our image
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create man
#Done
%Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of
the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
#Too many command operands. Try again.
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
%Insert breath
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
%Move man to Garden of Eden
#Directory Garden of Eden does not exist.
%Create Garden.edn#Done
%Move man Garden.edn#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
%Copy Garden.edn\man Garden.edn\woman
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
%Insert woman into man
#Illegal parameters. Try again.
%Insert man into woman
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
%Create desire
#Done
%Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create freewill
#Done
%Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
%Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Help
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Bugger {backspace}
%Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create good, evil
#Done
%Run evil
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in
Garden.edn#1 errors.
%Grep Garden.edn\ 'man' 'woman'
#Search failed.
%Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
%Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Stop
#Unrecognizable command. Try again
%Break
%Break
%Break
#*** ATTENTION, God: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE
LOG OFF***
%Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
files
before new ones can be created.
%Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Please confirm n.
%yes
#*** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME
SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW***
#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
#Approx. funds remaining: $00.00.
by alvit May 28, 2009
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