Alvit's definitions
Here are some ways of calling someone 'stupid':
A Few Clowns Short of a Circus
A Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal
An Experiment in Artificial Stupidity
A Few Beers Short of a Six-Pack
Dumber Than a Box of Hair
A Few Peas Short of a Casserole
Doesn't Have All Her Cornflakes in One Box
The Wheel's Spinning, But the Hamsters Dead
One Fruit Loop Shy of a Full Bowl
One Taco Short of a Combination Plate
A Few Feathers Short of a Whole Duck
All Foam, No Beer
The Cheese Slid Off Her Cracker
Body by Fisher, Brains by Mattel
Couldn't Pour Water Out of a Boot With Instructions on the Heel
He Fell Out of the Stupid Tree and Hit Every Branch on the Way Down
An Intellect Rivaled Only by Garden Tools
As Smart as Bait
Chimney's Clogged
Doesn't Have All His Dogs on One Leash
Doesn't Know Much but Leads the League in Nostril Hair
Elevator Doesn't Go All the Way to the Top Floor
Forgot to Pay Her Brain Bill
Her Sewing Machine's Out of Thread
His Antenna Doesn't Pick Up All the Channels
His Belt Doesn't Go Through All the Loops
If She Had Another Brain, It Would be Lonely
Missing a Few Buttons on His Remote Control
No Grain in the Silo
Proof That Evolution Can Go in Reverse
Receiver is off the Hook
Several Nuts Short of a Full Pouch
Skylight Leaks a Little
Slinky's Kinked
Surfing in Nebraska
Too Much Yardage Between the Goal Posts
Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer
The Lights are on, but Nobody's Home
24 Cents Short of a Quarter
A Few Clowns Short of a Circus
A Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal
An Experiment in Artificial Stupidity
A Few Beers Short of a Six-Pack
Dumber Than a Box of Hair
A Few Peas Short of a Casserole
Doesn't Have All Her Cornflakes in One Box
The Wheel's Spinning, But the Hamsters Dead
One Fruit Loop Shy of a Full Bowl
One Taco Short of a Combination Plate
A Few Feathers Short of a Whole Duck
All Foam, No Beer
The Cheese Slid Off Her Cracker
Body by Fisher, Brains by Mattel
Couldn't Pour Water Out of a Boot With Instructions on the Heel
He Fell Out of the Stupid Tree and Hit Every Branch on the Way Down
An Intellect Rivaled Only by Garden Tools
As Smart as Bait
Chimney's Clogged
Doesn't Have All His Dogs on One Leash
Doesn't Know Much but Leads the League in Nostril Hair
Elevator Doesn't Go All the Way to the Top Floor
Forgot to Pay Her Brain Bill
Her Sewing Machine's Out of Thread
His Antenna Doesn't Pick Up All the Channels
His Belt Doesn't Go Through All the Loops
If She Had Another Brain, It Would be Lonely
Missing a Few Buttons on His Remote Control
No Grain in the Silo
Proof That Evolution Can Go in Reverse
Receiver is off the Hook
Several Nuts Short of a Full Pouch
Skylight Leaks a Little
Slinky's Kinked
Surfing in Nebraska
Too Much Yardage Between the Goal Posts
Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer
The Lights are on, but Nobody's Home
24 Cents Short of a Quarter
by alvit October 27, 2009
Get the stupid mug.Homosexuality is a sexual orientation toward people of the same sex. Homosexuality contrasts with heterosexuality, sexual orientation toward people of the opposite sex. People with a sexual orientation toward members of both sexes are called bisexuals . Female homosexuals are frequently called lesbians. In recent years, the term gay has been applied to both homosexual men and women.
Homosexuality appears in virtually all social contexts-within different community settings, socioeconomic levels, and ethnic and religious groups. The number of homosexuals in the population is difficult to determine, and reliable data do not exist. However, current estimates suggest that the term homosexual may apply to 2 to 4 percent of men. Estimates for lesbians are lower. Not all people who engage in homosexual activity necessarily identify themselves as homosexual.
Their attitudes toward homosexual behavior have varied with time and place. In ancient Greece, homosexual relations were acceptable and, in some cases, expected activity in certain segments of society. Later attitudes toward homosexuality in the Western world were determined largely by prevailing Judeo-Christian moral codes, which treat homosexuality as immoral or sinful. But like many other sins, homosexual relations were seen as expressions of the weakness inherent in all human beings, and not as a mental illness or as the behavior of a specific type of person. This latter view, which regarded homosexuality as a pathology, developed in the late 19th century. By the beginning of the 20th century, psychoanalysts viewed homosexuals as the victims of faulty development, and Austrian physician Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, considered homosexuality a deviant condition. More recently, scientists have searched for a biological explanation for sexual orientation. A study published in 1993 sought to identify a genetic marker for sexual orientation, but the research did not include a cross section of the population and was inconclusive.
During the first half of the 20th century, attitudes toward homosexuality were overwhelmingly negative. Homosexual activities were hidden and spoken of only in whispers, and homosexual behavior, even among consenting adults, was a criminal offense in most of the United States. Homosexuals were subject to stereotypes and prejudice. Gay men were viewed as effeminate, lesbians were portrayed as mannish, and both were seen as being obsessed with sex, with little self-control or morality. Homosexuals frequently were thought to be potential child molesters. In the 1930s and during World War II (1939-1945), homosexuals were targets of persecution in Nazi Germany.
Prejudices against homosexuals in Western societies have only recently begun to change. The first major shift followed the publication of two famous reports, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1952), by American biologist Alfred Charles Kinsey. Although these works contained inflated estimates of the homosexual population and the incidence of behavior, they provided a more realistic picture of homosexuality and helped demystify it. Unlike earlier studies which focused on homosexuals who had sought medical or psychological help, the Kinsey reports described homosexuals outside of clinical settings. Kinsey found homosexuals in all walks of life, growing up in all kinds of families, practicing many different religions. As a result of the ensuing scientific discussion, the American Psychiatric Association in 1973 eliminated homosexuality from its list of mental disorders and, in 1980, dropped it from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.
In recent years, people who support homosexual rights have worked and demonstrated to increase those rights. In the United States, the watershed event for homosexual activism was the Stonewall riot, which protested a police raid on a gay bar in New York City in 1969. It was the first public protest by homosexuals against harassment by police. Since then, homosexual communities in the United States have organized to work for gay rights. Such groups include the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, a civil rights organization that promotes equality and freedom from prejudice and discrimination for gays and lesbians; Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, which provides legal representation for gays and lesbians; and the Human Rights Campaign Fund, which lobbies state and national legislators. Gay-rights activist groups are also involved in educational and political activities.
One of the greatest challenges to face the homosexual community was the outbreak of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) in the early 1980s. In the United States, the disease first became prevalent among gay men and spread with devastating effect. When little was known about the disease and how it was spread, AIDS patients and homosexuals experienced an increase in discrimination in housing and health insurance. Many people protested agencies of the U.S. government-including the Centers for Disease Control, the National Institutes of Health, and the Food and Drug Administration-claiming they were slow to respond and study the disease and search for treatment. More organizations were formed to help educate people about the disease and to help AIDS patients get proper care.
In the 1990s homosexual-rights groups addressed a number of other issues, including the rights of gay and lesbian families. Homosexual marriages are not recognized by any state in the United States, and homosexual couples in long-term relationships do not have the same legal protection as people in heterosexual marriages. Adopting children is also problematic for homosexuals, although some states allow a same-sex partner to adopt the biological child of the other partner. Two states, Florida and New Hampshire, have laws which prevent a homosexual couple from adopting a child who is not the biological child of either partner.
Another area in which activists have worked for change is the policy toward gays and lesbians in the military. Before the Clinton administration altered the policy in 1993, candidates for military service filled out a form that included a question on sexual orientation. Under the new policy, popularly called "don't ask, don't tell," that question has been eliminated. Sexual orientation is now considered a personal matter and not a bar to entry or a cause for separation from the military unless the individual engages in homosexual behavior. However, some people consider the policy inadequate because it still forbids homosexual activity.
As activists have worked to secure the rights of homosexuals, the homosexual community has become a more visible presence in society. National publications, such as Christopher Street and The Advocate, have appeared, and churches to serve the homosexual community have been established. With the advent of gay-rights studies programs at many universities, homosexuals have begun to reclaim their history.
As homosexual communities became more visible, large numbers of homosexuals-including some prominent people-have openly declared their identity as homosexuals and demanded their right to equal and respectful treatment. There are now openly gay representatives in the Congress of the United States, and across the country openly gay officials have pursued and often won office.
Homosexuality appears in virtually all social contexts-within different community settings, socioeconomic levels, and ethnic and religious groups. The number of homosexuals in the population is difficult to determine, and reliable data do not exist. However, current estimates suggest that the term homosexual may apply to 2 to 4 percent of men. Estimates for lesbians are lower. Not all people who engage in homosexual activity necessarily identify themselves as homosexual.
Their attitudes toward homosexual behavior have varied with time and place. In ancient Greece, homosexual relations were acceptable and, in some cases, expected activity in certain segments of society. Later attitudes toward homosexuality in the Western world were determined largely by prevailing Judeo-Christian moral codes, which treat homosexuality as immoral or sinful. But like many other sins, homosexual relations were seen as expressions of the weakness inherent in all human beings, and not as a mental illness or as the behavior of a specific type of person. This latter view, which regarded homosexuality as a pathology, developed in the late 19th century. By the beginning of the 20th century, psychoanalysts viewed homosexuals as the victims of faulty development, and Austrian physician Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, considered homosexuality a deviant condition. More recently, scientists have searched for a biological explanation for sexual orientation. A study published in 1993 sought to identify a genetic marker for sexual orientation, but the research did not include a cross section of the population and was inconclusive.
During the first half of the 20th century, attitudes toward homosexuality were overwhelmingly negative. Homosexual activities were hidden and spoken of only in whispers, and homosexual behavior, even among consenting adults, was a criminal offense in most of the United States. Homosexuals were subject to stereotypes and prejudice. Gay men were viewed as effeminate, lesbians were portrayed as mannish, and both were seen as being obsessed with sex, with little self-control or morality. Homosexuals frequently were thought to be potential child molesters. In the 1930s and during World War II (1939-1945), homosexuals were targets of persecution in Nazi Germany.
Prejudices against homosexuals in Western societies have only recently begun to change. The first major shift followed the publication of two famous reports, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1952), by American biologist Alfred Charles Kinsey. Although these works contained inflated estimates of the homosexual population and the incidence of behavior, they provided a more realistic picture of homosexuality and helped demystify it. Unlike earlier studies which focused on homosexuals who had sought medical or psychological help, the Kinsey reports described homosexuals outside of clinical settings. Kinsey found homosexuals in all walks of life, growing up in all kinds of families, practicing many different religions. As a result of the ensuing scientific discussion, the American Psychiatric Association in 1973 eliminated homosexuality from its list of mental disorders and, in 1980, dropped it from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.
In recent years, people who support homosexual rights have worked and demonstrated to increase those rights. In the United States, the watershed event for homosexual activism was the Stonewall riot, which protested a police raid on a gay bar in New York City in 1969. It was the first public protest by homosexuals against harassment by police. Since then, homosexual communities in the United States have organized to work for gay rights. Such groups include the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, a civil rights organization that promotes equality and freedom from prejudice and discrimination for gays and lesbians; Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, which provides legal representation for gays and lesbians; and the Human Rights Campaign Fund, which lobbies state and national legislators. Gay-rights activist groups are also involved in educational and political activities.
One of the greatest challenges to face the homosexual community was the outbreak of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) in the early 1980s. In the United States, the disease first became prevalent among gay men and spread with devastating effect. When little was known about the disease and how it was spread, AIDS patients and homosexuals experienced an increase in discrimination in housing and health insurance. Many people protested agencies of the U.S. government-including the Centers for Disease Control, the National Institutes of Health, and the Food and Drug Administration-claiming they were slow to respond and study the disease and search for treatment. More organizations were formed to help educate people about the disease and to help AIDS patients get proper care.
In the 1990s homosexual-rights groups addressed a number of other issues, including the rights of gay and lesbian families. Homosexual marriages are not recognized by any state in the United States, and homosexual couples in long-term relationships do not have the same legal protection as people in heterosexual marriages. Adopting children is also problematic for homosexuals, although some states allow a same-sex partner to adopt the biological child of the other partner. Two states, Florida and New Hampshire, have laws which prevent a homosexual couple from adopting a child who is not the biological child of either partner.
Another area in which activists have worked for change is the policy toward gays and lesbians in the military. Before the Clinton administration altered the policy in 1993, candidates for military service filled out a form that included a question on sexual orientation. Under the new policy, popularly called "don't ask, don't tell," that question has been eliminated. Sexual orientation is now considered a personal matter and not a bar to entry or a cause for separation from the military unless the individual engages in homosexual behavior. However, some people consider the policy inadequate because it still forbids homosexual activity.
As activists have worked to secure the rights of homosexuals, the homosexual community has become a more visible presence in society. National publications, such as Christopher Street and The Advocate, have appeared, and churches to serve the homosexual community have been established. With the advent of gay-rights studies programs at many universities, homosexuals have begun to reclaim their history.
As homosexual communities became more visible, large numbers of homosexuals-including some prominent people-have openly declared their identity as homosexuals and demanded their right to equal and respectful treatment. There are now openly gay representatives in the Congress of the United States, and across the country openly gay officials have pursued and often won office.
by alvit July 21, 2009
Get the gay mug."OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetheart says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Darling, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy girl takes your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going topless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along with her.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... you are told to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the car park.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy girl takes your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going topless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along with her.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... you are told to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the car park.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
What a drag it is getting old!
by alvit July 7, 2009
Get the Old mug.Here are some examples from Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line
so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0 0 0.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to
talk to you.
And...if you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line
so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0 0 0.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to
talk to you.
And...if you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up.
by alvit July 6, 2009
Get the Psychiatry mug.Here are some popular synonyms of 'penis' used in the US
(from condom slogans):
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
(from condom slogans):
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
by alvit June 30, 2009
Get the penis mug.The United States is a nation of immigrants, with residents that speak a number of different languages and have ties to a number of different cultures. Presently, the United States does not have an official language, although according to the 2000 U.S. Census, 92 percent of the U.S. population over the age of 5 speaks English.
Legislation making English the official language would have serious unintended repercussions. For example, it would eliminate bilingual education services, prohibit the use of a translator in court, ban the use of another language by employees of the federal government, and bar the printing of any government documents in other languages. Paradoxically, making English the official language would probably result in less people speaking English because non-English speakers would no longer receive information on English classes. Such a policy would also pose a public safety issue by prohibiting a federal law enforcement agent from using a language other than English to gather information about a crime and question potential suspects or victims.
While I do believe all people residing in this country should learn English, making it the "official language" is not the way to go. That is why I would vote to make English the national and unifying language of the United States. Making English the "national and unifying" language rather than the "official" language avoids the unintended consequences discussed above. Instead of focusing our energies on making English the official language of the United States, we should do everything possible to ensure that our new citizens and residents have the opportunity to achieve English proficiency so they are able to fully participate in our society.
Legislation making English the official language would have serious unintended repercussions. For example, it would eliminate bilingual education services, prohibit the use of a translator in court, ban the use of another language by employees of the federal government, and bar the printing of any government documents in other languages. Paradoxically, making English the official language would probably result in less people speaking English because non-English speakers would no longer receive information on English classes. Such a policy would also pose a public safety issue by prohibiting a federal law enforcement agent from using a language other than English to gather information about a crime and question potential suspects or victims.
While I do believe all people residing in this country should learn English, making it the "official language" is not the way to go. That is why I would vote to make English the national and unifying language of the United States. Making English the "national and unifying" language rather than the "official" language avoids the unintended consequences discussed above. Instead of focusing our energies on making English the official language of the United States, we should do everything possible to ensure that our new citizens and residents have the opportunity to achieve English proficiency so they are able to fully participate in our society.
by alvit June 26, 2009
Get the English mug.I have lived in Nevada for many years and have found it to be a wonderful place to live and raise a family. The state is filled with beautiful landscapes that encompass the splendor of Lake Tahoe’s snow covered mountains and the quiet beauty of the Mojave Desert.
Nevada is filled with hard-working people from all walks of life and backgrounds. Its rich history and western spirit make Nevada a unique and magnificent place to live.
Nevada is filled with hard-working people from all walks of life and backgrounds. Its rich history and western spirit make Nevada a unique and magnificent place to live.
by alvit June 26, 2009
Get the Nevada mug.