Papercuts are deadly and should be avoided at all times. They are an infamous happening throughout the
world, with an increasing occurance rate in Asia.
Paper Cuts is a rocking Nirvana song off the
Bleach album.
* The first recorded recorded incident of a paper cut was 1240 AD, when an English
monk pulled out a bible too quickly. The Book of Psalms flew out of the book and slid across his arm. "Damneth thine verses; I smiteth thee!" and other various curses were heard throughout the monestary.
* 1492 - Columbus sets out to the Americas. Returns from trip bearing gifts,
King Ferdinand is angered when a scroll injures him.
* Ten years later, the
King perishes due to internal bleeding after swallowing a secret message.
*
March of 1865, Portugal bans
paper from the country. Unfortunately, this was
impossible, as the paperwork to be signed was sent out of the country.
* 1998 -
Wisconsin Elementary student Mark Gifadet perfects his paper airplane design; plans for world domination
fail when his teacher is struck through the heart with the plane.
* Late 2005 - Cheney is put through hospitalization after Sharkboy throws toilet
paper rolls at him.
What to do if Papercutted
Papercuts happen no matter what you do to avoid them. If you are in the wild or bush and receive a papercut you must immediatly flush the wound with urine and fill the cavity of the cut with leper semen. This with stave off
death for half an hour. Hobble off to the nearest stream and ritually wash yourself. It's the
best you can do.
If you are in the proper facilities, then follow these instructions to heal yourself.
1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Wait, sorry. Fetch a ladle and a laser printer
3. Resume your previous position
4. Take apart the printer and mash it to the consistancy of marmelade
5. Using the ladle, apply the printer juice to the area around the wound
6. Let the wound sit for 2-3 hours
Don't forget that it's always better to avoid such accidents than to have to treat them.
A Cure
Scientists in the
Ukraine are currently working on a cure for papercuts; so far there has been great progress. Lead scientists across the nation banded together and put their collective efforts to one project. Pills are in the making, and a protective suit prototype is in testing.
