masturbit

When you cant spell masturbate

What is the correct way to masturbit

masturbit by Skeetonyou June 22, 2018

masturbate and switch 

Masturbate and switch — the erotic KINK of having sex with one person while thinking of another; or, of talking dirty to a sexual partner and allowing them to verbally — either from your mouth or theirs — acknowledge deep sexual attraction for another person; or, for an extreme sexual scenario.

This is not a practice for the sexually insecure — unless insecurity is your particular KINK!!!!!

On the one hand, if one wants to enjoy the depth sexuality of another, the partner has to be made to feel comfortable physically, mentally and spiritually.

On the other hand, one would have to ask if their ego is strong enough to facilitate the unbridled sexuality and fantasy life of another.

Well…you don’t hit home runs unless you swing for the fences. And, on the other hand, if you swing too hard and miss YOU CAN STRIKE OUT!!!!!!

Unless you are a “sex-pert” DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!!!

But if you are ever semi-single in Negril at a Club Med — and you didn’t hear this from me — give it a shot!!!!!!!

Remember: NOT A PRACTICE FOR THE SEXUALLY TIMID AND INSECURE!!!!!!

Him: Wow, that was a quick orgasm, babe!!! You must have been really horny.

Her: Naw. I did a masturbate and switch and IT GOT REALLY GOOD TO ME!!!!!!

Him: Tell me what you were thinking so I can masturbate and switch, too!!!!!!!!!

masturbate and switch by Mind Hunter the Profiler June 21, 2023

masturbeto 

The lonely physical act of engaging in near-sexual fantasies of large-scale gun confiscation. Usually done to completion in an act of shameless pandering to one’s mindless millennial followers

There he goes again, starting to Masturbeto at the campaign rally

masturbeto by General con douchenbag October 12, 2022

masturbating to the dictionary 

A phrase used as a comeback to a Grammar Nazi or to someone who says “grammar is sexy” during a conversation. It can be used in any situation to respond to someone who tries to shame you on your grammar.

i.e.
txt msg exchange
Timmy: Yo Jake, you wanna come over to Jason’s place to smoke after school? Meghan and Jill are coming over and I’m sure your have a dope time with us.
Jake: You mean *you’ll have a dope time.
Timmy: Dude, are you masturbating to the dictionary at your house? Don’t be such a Grammar Nazi.

Lucy: Hey Jamie, do you think Alex is doing good today after the party last night? You think he’s interested in hanging out later?
Jamie: You mean, doing WELL after the party…? Damn Lucy, grammar is sexy just an fyi.
Lucy: Wtf Jamie, when did you start masturbating to the dictionary?

masturbating to the dictionary by runninghighkid August 4, 2018

Masturbetes 

a common yet often undiagnosed disease normally developed in but not limited to the late teens, namely freshman year of college. Although it can be seen in the rare female case, Masturbetes affects mainly males. This disease causes the testicles to produce large amounts of semen and testosterone, thus causing a drastic peak in the sexual desire and arousal of the afflicted male, who is scientifically referred to as a Masturbetic. The most common treatment is excessive masturbation, usually accompanied by the viewing of pornographic materials. Another symptom is increased aggressive behavior towards the female sex mostly in an attempt to receive a sort of assisted treatment from said female. Rejection can lead to the Maturbetic engaging in further self-treatment. Ejaculation reduces elevated sexual desire and semen in Masturbetics, similar to how insulin shots decrease abnormally high blood sugar in diabetics. Severe cases call for around 3-5 rounds of intense treatment to curb desire and reduce the amount of semen to normal levels. Lubrication is advised in such cases to avoid irritation of the penile region.

"Dude...I just went to the doctor, and I got diagnosed with masturbetes..."

"That's why you jerk off so much! that sucks man"

"Not really, I got a doctor's note, and now that I'm a Masturbetic, I can slap my johnson in class"

Masturbetes by FroknKoko December 3, 2011

Macsturbator 

1. A self-righteous, blindly optimistic, and outspoken proponent of Apple products.

2. An Apple Fanboy.

Adam: "I LOVE my Mac. OS X is PERFECT! That's why it NEVER gets viruses!"

Bob: "No, OS X doesn't gets viruses because 98% of the world uses PCs, Macsturbator."

Macsturbator by CleffedUp July 31, 2009

Comedic Masturbation 

When you are so funny by yourself that you laugh out loud without any participation by a partner.

Progresses from a small grin to a smile to a quiet giggle and then quickly reaches the climactic event of an audible belly laugh, or LOL. Following climax, tissue is often used to dry resulting wetness occuring in the ocular region.

My humor is not always understood by others and I frequently find myself involuntarily engaging in comedic masturbation.

Comedic Masturbation by K-Rista-Raaah July 22, 2016