Rasputined 

To be rectally infused with the
bodily fluids of a hairy peasant that will
proceed to have a spontaneous erotic
intercourse with anyone on sight without
verifying consent.

I Rasputined your mom last night.

Rasputined by ProxyFoxy January 11, 2017

Grigori Rasputin 

Grigori Rasputin had to be poisoned, shot several times, clubbed and then tossed into a frozen river before he was killed.

When he was found, his autopsy showed that he had died of hypothermia, despite the fact that he was found with a bullet hole in his forehead. Also, despite having consumed enough cyanide to kill several men, the autopsy showed no traces of poison.

Some accounts of his death suggest that his murderers had castrated him as well. A museum in St. Petersburg claims to have Rasputin's 12 inch long penis in a jar on display.

Stanley: If Grigori Rasputin and Sasquatch got into a fight, who would win?
Stuart: Motherfucking Grigori dude.

Grigori Rasputin by Studogmillionaire August 30, 2010

Rasputinism 

To be killed in a protracted, almost ridiculous way.

Derives from the case of Grigori Rasputin who was poisoned with cyanide, shot at least twice and then thrown in the River Neva. He was then dug up by Bolsheviks and his remains set on fire.

The posthumous execution of Benito Mussolini in 1945 and Oliver Cromwell in 1660 was classic Rasputinism.

Rasputinism by Tyburn January 2, 2008

Zealous Rasputin 

The sexual act in which a bro manages to insert his flaccid dong into a woman's ass while simultaneously incubating his entire scrotum in her vagina. The goal is not to achieve sexual satisfaction, it is an act done in the shameless pursuit of giving warmth to one's genitals. The female need not know the motivation, but generally is not pleased with the outcome. The endgame, my friends, is to fall asleep in this state.

Yo Byron, did you hear that Gilgamesh pulled a Zealous Rasputin on Taybeesha last night? Oh yeah dude for sure, I heard that it was quite the event. She was reasonably livid about the whole thing but she grew to accept it. Who doesn't want a little bit of warmth in their life nigga?

Zealous Rasputin by Manos Imilanololloolo June 29, 2013

Rasputin 

Russia's greatest love machine.

Ra Ra Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head
Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine
And so they shot him till he was dead.

Rasputin by Manx Bloke January 13, 2008

Rasputin would do it! 

A catchphrase that can be said in almost every situation.

Person 1: U culdnt haedshot me u were 10 miles awai
Person 2: Rasputin would do it!

Rasputin would do it! by [FP]Strider October 11, 2006

Rasputin 

Born in 1869 as a peasant in Russia, this man had a serious sexual appetite which he exploited to its limits. Based on some of his preserved remains in a Russian museum, he had a 13-inch long penis, and legend has it that he used special powers to fuck over 100,000 women, including the Tzar's wife, the Tzar's four daughters, the Tzar's chambermaids, and the servant-girls in the Tzar's palace. That or he just pulled his pants down in their presence.
Rasputin started out as an alcoholic womanizer and joined a variation of Russian Orthodoxy called Skopsty, which is founded on the belief that the only way to reach God is through sin. when Rasputin finally became a monk, he travelled a lot, fucking to his heart's content, and tales of his travels and the supposed "magical healing powers" that the monk attained reached the ears of Tzar Nicholas II, whose son was ailing with hemophilia. Rasputin somehow managed to heal the boy and became an important person in the Tzars house. However, the Tzar's relatives were not too happy about the monk fucking their women with his 13-inch cock on a daily basis, so they conspired to kill him.
One night, Rasputin was invited by the conspirators to dinner. Everything was all planned out that night. He was supposed to drink the poisoned wine and eat the poisoned food and die. But that was not the case, because the Tzar's relatives saw in shock as the monk ate and drank enough poison to kill 6 people, and didn't seem to show any symptoms at all. So, they switched to plan B. They shot him, and found out that it didn't kill him. They kicked the crap out of him and saw that he was still twitching. They cut his dick off, and saw that it didn't work. They stabbed him repeatedly, but HE STILL DIDN'T DIE. So they finally wrapped up Rasputin's broken, breathing body and threw it into a river, where he finally died after several hours.
Unfortunately for the Tzar's family, they were assassinated four months later, ending the Romanov family line permanently.

Rasputin can also sometimes be used as a slang word for a big penis.

If I were Rasputin, I would just fuck and stay out of the limelight instead.

Rasputin by urban pervert May 15, 2004