Incident in which you take a dump, and the toilet splashes you back in perineum. This is different from a regular bidet in that it's the toilet water that's splashing you, not a directed tap.
As a rule, this nearly never happens at home, and it frequently happens when you're forced to use a stall with overtly nasty waters or after you've already urinated.
person one: I'm a little worried. I had to use the portajohn at the airshow, and it gave me a spontaneous bidet.
An idiot on a bicycle - someone cycling and phoning at the same time without their hands on the handlebars and going through a red light or two generally causing chaos and neglecting all known traffic laws.
Look at that bidiot over there. I hope he falls of his damnbike and smashes his phone.
When you drop a turd with the precise mass, shape and density at the just perfect speed, that lands in the water at the precise angle to send a large splash of toilet water straight back at your brown eye.
Pete: (from inside the bathroom) Awwwwww goddammit!!!!
Craig: (from outside the bathroom) Everything ok in there?
Pete: No, I just got a chunky bidet!
The combination of liquid and aerosol felt when an automatic toilet mistakenly flushes, post-business but pre-standing-up.
Student 1: (Audibly crying and whimpering in a restroom stall)
Student 2: Hey bro. Are you alright?
Student 1: (Behind stall door) No. I forgot to put toilet paper over the motion sensor on the toilet, and I got a Dirty Bidet... I have 4 more hours of classes! (Crying continues)
Student 2: (Shudders, shakes his head with sympathy, and walks away)
The act of a male using his urine in an upwards stream to clean the undercarriage of another person who is squatting over them.
After a long hot day of walking around the Inner Harbor, Ross discovered his ass crack had become excessively lathered in smelly bum butter. Upon hearing of the situation, ever helpful Jim volunteered to accompany Ross back to the hotel and give him a Baltimore Bidet.
"Ross, I've got a belly full of 'Natty Boh' and have enough pent-up piss to easily flush all the jizz infused dung-discharge from your ass crack!"
Sister: This meeting was to discuss the rough draft of my essay, where we discussed the subsidiary questions I added in my rough draft. We also discussed the relationship between my main title and the real-life situations I chose to use in my essay. We discussed the structure of my essay as well, specifically the Math AOK section and how it relates to the contradiction of the title. This second meeting was particularly helpful in discussing the implications of my essay claims and how to apply the title across various areas of knowledge. There were many sections of the essay that could have been cut down in wordiness and the ways of knowing required further and more in-depth analysis.
An absolutely foolproof way to keep minors from viewing content deemed "too mature" for them to watch.
Billy: "So I was trying to watch some videos for an M rated game, and I ran into an age gate, so I put in my real birthday. SOMEHOW it managed to figure out that I am 12. CURSE YOU AGE GATE!!!"
Bill: "Fucking age gate! *quick scroll* THERE! I was born on January 1, 1904. Fuck you age gate."
A)
The Crud that collects under the keys in a keyboard. Usually more severe in the keyboards of programmers and webmasters as they tend to spend a lot of time at the the computer and thus eat at their desk. Mainly affecting IBM Model M (clicly) style boards.
B)
Can also be used to gross out Non-Techie people
A)
Bill: want to go to the club?
Bob: No, I've got to clean out my board chow, keys are starting to stick.
B)
Bill: Want to go out to get a bite?
Bob: No, i am just going to have some of my board chow/
Bill: Whats' that?
Bob: The food scraps that collect in my keyboard; Want some?
Bill: *GAG* *HURL* *GAG*