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tard fam guarantee 

This is what we call a guarantee that is made by any of the tard fam members. This is the most useless and hopeless guarantee ever. Usually anytime a tard fam member makes a guarantee of any sorts, you can take all your money to Vegas and bet on the opposite happening with supreme confidence. As we have already known, tard fam has no idea whatsoever on what they are talking about and as a result they think that they are smarter than they actually are. Since they think they're so smart, they may let their tard side show a little when they go around making all these promises and guarantees.
Norman "Nick": Dude, I guarantee that I am the least retarded person in this chat. It's probably York if we're being honest.
York: Dude, that's cap asf. I guarantee that Mike Carlson is more of a retard than me.
Armando: Looks like both of you woke up this morning and decided to acted retarded all day. Shut your asses up with your wack ass tard fam guarantees.
tard fam guarantee by TurnM3Up July 21, 2020

Guarnaschelli 

Guarnaschelli is an Italian last name. They are either a teacher or a chef. They are usually a very fun, sarcastic, bubbly person. But, sometimes they can be simply just weird, in a good or bad way. Overall, they are a wonderful person to know. One nickname for them is Guarn.
Him: OMG! Is that Guarnaschelli?!
Her: YASS! It’s Guarn! Let’s go say Hi.
Guarnaschelli by Steggy April 5, 2021

Ryan Guarantee 

Term used to describe something that is almost guaranteed to happen.

A Ryan guarantee is worth 90% of an actual guarantee
I give you a Ryan guarantee that I wont drink too much tonight

the nard dog guarantee 

a guarantee put out by Andrew Bernard (from the Office)... something that stands firm
Andy Bernard: Of course you can count on me, I'm giving it the nard dog guarantee

guaranfuckintee 

To assure or promise strenuously.
If that bitch opens her canker sore mouth one more time, I guaranfuckintee that it will be the last word she ever says.
guaranfuckintee by Bustamante January 4, 2008

Guaransheed 

When Rashed Wallace of the Detroit Pistons makes a prediction of a future game and it comes true. This phrase originated when he guaranteed that the Pistons would win Game 2 in the Eastern Conference finals in 2004 after falling behind.
Success was Guaransheed for the 2005 Eastern Conference finals against the Miami Heat.
Guaransheed by unitysong April 24, 2006