An ancient device to keep paperinternets safe when transferring information at 3 to 5 bits per hour across the Earth.
Steve: I need to send this piece of internets to my friend Unka Mika in Cameroon ASAP! What do I do?
Linda: I have some envelopes in my floor safe with other antiquities. I'll sell you one for 50 bucks.
A overly skinny, pale, white female. Most likely a scenester, but exceptions do apply (see Ellen Page).
Me: "Man, i got a cellular text message from Rebecca"
Friend: "Oh, is that so? Do you plan on having sexual intercourse with her?"
Me: "No sir, that bitch is a total envelope"