afair

as far as i remember

A: Whats that ?
B: A stone afair

afair by Genosse Pumuckl March 13, 2004

affair excuses 

What you tell the wife when you are with your whore

- playing golf

- going for a long walk with the dogs

- at a business meeting

- going for a long lunch in the country with the best friend (one who also has a mistress)

- working late

- meeting some old boys in London

Girlfriend : i didn't see you on Thursday night. can we hook up at the weekend

Adulterer : Sure. I can get away. i'll just give the wife one of my affair excuses

affair excuses by farnham philanderer January 2, 2017

Civil Affairs 

A part of the United States Army Civil Affairs and Psychological Operations Command that specializes in a wide variety of military missions and operations to include:
1. Jumping out of planes
2. Preparing to jump out of planes
3. Riding in planes, preparing to jump out of planes, but then landing again
4. Giving toys to orphans for the opportunity to jump out of planes
5. Constantly talking about jumping out of planes
6. Bragging about (insert country here) jump wings
7. Saying things like "dirty leg", "when I was with group..." and "back with division we always..."

In addition to these tasks, Civil Affairs soldiers sometimes (rarely) train in and undertake Civil Military Operations, to include assisting combatant commanders in their interactions with the local populace, acting as a liaison between military and other US Government entities, members of the international community and NGOs, in order to ensure a whole of government approach to military operations and civilian interactions.

Dude: Man I'm so excited, my Civil Affairs unit has battle assembly this weekend!
Bro: Cool! What are you going to do!
Dude: Jump out of planes!

Dude: So we're going to jump into the objective.
Bro: Uh, but we're Civil Affairs, can't we just drive there?
Dude: You dirty leg, back when I was with the eighty-deuce we always jumped!
Bro: But this isn't even a war zone... we're staying in a hotel... and have rental cars...

Dude: This year's Civil Affairs training schedule includes 24 jumps
Bro: When are we going to practices our specialized tasks that we've f*cked up repeatedly in Iraq and Afghanistan due to lack of training and familiarity?
Dude: Ain't nobody got time for that. When I was with group....

Civil Affairs by CASARGE May 6, 2013

A Current Affair 

Morons reporting about morons.

Tracy Grimshaw: The public has been outraged over (some infamous baddie) being left in peace.
Cue shitty footage of some male reporter harassing baddie at their place of residence.

Tracy Grimshaw: There's been some new evidence that suggests cats prefer the colour red.
"Expert" (flipping pages): Uh well we've been seeing a lot of new evidence that cats like red.
Random cat lady: "My old Mittens loves red things."
Street random: "Yeah I like cats."

Tracy Grimshaw: Next week on A Current Affair...

A Current Affair by PomiWells April 12, 2012

Food Affair

When you're eating one thing, but picturing something else.

Like when you bite into that boring lettuce sandwich, but your thinking of a toasty, foot-long, Roast Beef sandwich au jus, dripping with melted Swiss cheese.

Rebecca was having a food affair as she ate her protein bar, thinking instead, of a fluffy, chocolate parfait.

Food Affair by Mr. Hugh Mongus October 2, 2009

afaict 

As Far As I Can Tell

afaict, it doesn't work.

afaict by Lyza Danger April 23, 2003

affirmative action 

legal racism

Hey jimmy! Im racist as fuck and i support affirmative action to prove it!

affirmative action by i am legend! March 8, 2021