Impro...ve 

A professional at improv

Impro...ve: A professional at improv.
Me: I am an impro...
Friend: what's an imp-
Me: ..ve

Impro...ve by Sparkster000 February 20, 2019

Improversation 

When you start a sentence and don't even know where it's going. You just find it along the way, an improv conversation. Improversation.

Sometimes I start talking and I don't know where it's going and I just find it along the way, an improversation.

Improversation by uvogin December 16, 2021

Lowe's Home Improvement

The epitome of ass-kissery. As soon as you walk into a Lowe's, your ass saturated with the spit of every employee that crosses your path; but it is not their fault, because it is what they have been constantly told to do every day. Lowe's is built upon the model of "excellent, excruciatingly-paranoid, money-pinching, annoying, ass-kissing, customer-focus". The best thing to do when you see a "red vest" is to cut a corner and run. These people are already stressed enough with the dumbass questions that get flung at them every day so one more question is just one more reason for them to eat a bullet.

Customer walks in Lowe's:

"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE WITH Lowe's Home Improvement WAREHOUSE! WE HAVE LOTS OF ITEMS TO HELP YOUR EVERY NEED FOR EVERY SITUATION! HOW MAY WE BE OF SERVICE TO YOU TODAY SIR OR MA'AM???"

Customer: Holy fucking ass crackers! Can I not look at the fucking power tools without being bombarded by damn service? Fuck this I'm going to Home Depot where people leave me the hell alone!

Lowe's Home Improvement by yourmomlovesmyjohnson09 December 12, 2010

Home Improvement 

An ABC sitcom airing from 1991-1999 and one of the most cleverly written sitcoms of the decade. Comedian Tim Allen starred as Tim Taylor, a chauvinist, handyman husband and father of three mischeivous sons who hosted a Detroit cable tool show called Tool Time, and just could help himself to giving "more power" to machinery. Much of the show also focused on the of the rest of the Taylor family: Tim’s wife Jill is a feminist and aspiring psychologist, the loner and very astute neighbor Wilson Wilson always provides advice for Tim, and Tim’s sons are mischeivious but good kids. Tim is very masculine and chauvinist (he even gets disgusted at just the thought of going to the opera), a handyman, clumsy, loved to make jokes about Al’s flannel shirts and overweight mother, always rewiring gadgets, was always competing with his next door neighbor Doc Johnson for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights, seeking advice from his other neighbor Wilson Wilson (Wilson Wilson is not a typo)

Spoofs from the show:

1. Tim’s frequent jokes about Al’s flannel shirst and overweight mom.
2. always seeking advice from his next door neighbor Wilson Wilson, only to screw it up
3. Wilson’s face is always hidden
4. always rewiring things to give it “more power”…only to have it explode
5. his wife Jill can’t cook
6. Tim has an obsession with Sears
7. always competes with Doc Johnson, a 80-year old retired proctologist, for the neighborhood’s best Christmas lights
8. Tim is so clumsy that he dropped a steel beam on his wife’s car, fell though a portapotty, glued his head to a table, had a hammer frozen to his tongue, fell through the roof on a project house, blew up a friend’s house and blew up the dishwasher
9. always building a hot rod in the garage
10. frequently grunts when exited or perplexed
11. Bob Villa is his biggest competition
12. Tim often hits his head on a basement pipe above the stairs
13. frequently made jokes about his mother-in-law “Nanna’s” weight but stopped when he saw how thin she had become
14. Always wants Tool Time to take a commercial break when he gets injured
15. Tim frequently gets sick eating Polish food from "Stan’s" Polish restaurant in Hamtramk
16. Tim is well-known at the emergency room, even to the point of having his own cup labeled “Tim”
17. Tim often wears sweatshirts from a Michigan college.
18. Tim's three sons' are always bullied by Vinny McGern

Home Improvement was probably the best scripted show from the 1990s and won numerous Emmys.

Home Improvement by [e-mail] January 26, 2008

improve your vocabulary 

a phrase meaning: learn not only social manners, but, above all, how to correctly talk to your elders and people with more power and/or authority than you.

younger brother: yo Amos, you big bully of a brother, give me your candy.

Amos: Sean, idiotagers have no manners these days. I am giving you two choices. now choose between the devil and the deep blue sea. one, either you eat your own cheese for talking to me like that, or two you improve your vocabulary. Got that? Now, go scratch yourself and come back to me when you have made up your mind.

improve your vocabulary by Uncle Dimma February 20, 2013

Home Improvement 

One of the best, most enjoyable TV shows in history.

Home Improvement rocks.

Home Improvement by Meijer's! December 5, 2005

new and improved joker product 

A female celebrity with a huge grotesque grin. Coined by radio DJ's Don and Mike to describe Cameron Diaz.
A reference to the poisoned products that The Joker unleashed on Gotham City in the movie "Batman" which killed their victims and left them with horrific grins on their faces.

I hear Justin Timberlake is dating New And Improved Joker Product

new and improved joker product by Steve Aardvark December 20, 2006