Counching 

The act of humping one's couch, whether for fun or for pleasure.

Man, I was so wasted, I decided it was time for some counching.

I walked in and caught that bitch counching!

Counching by Ananke September 11, 2013

counting shoulders 

its a term used to put your arm around someone. you start with counting ur far shoulder away from them as one, two which is the closest one to them, 3 their first and 4th the farthest one on the other side and keep ur arm around them

“have you ever counted shoulders before?”
“dude, i just used the counting shoulders trick on katie and it worked!”

counting shoulders by kathryn money September 25, 2018

counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees 

Assuming you will have something before you actually have it; similar to "counting your chickens before they hatch" (which is commonly attributed to Aesop).

"The Mariners could do better than expected this year."

"Let's not kid ourselves. Check your premises before you make a prediction."

"I'm assuming a number of things go right. Maybe I'm just counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees."

counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees by Rusanova March 7, 2012

Crouching Uncle 

The act of walking into your aunt's bedroom and finding your uncle with his boxers around his ankles, squatting over your aunt while serving up a PBR and creamed-corn induced hot carl into her waiting mouth... most often occurring while re-runs of the Dukes of Hazard or Full House are playing on the TV.

I went over to Uncle Jethro's after the Nascar race, and when I walked into the trailer Aunt Tina was in the midst of wiping the Crouching Uncle off of her mustache.

Crouching Uncle by Ryjamin October 6, 2011

Clenching Chowder 

What happens after having unprotected anal intercourse with a man with a tiny penis. The ejaculate doesn't get past the Anus Hotel lobby (so to speak) and coagulates very close to the one and only exit; occasionally causing a bloated feeling or general lower GI discomfort.

After they found him half naked with his scout master in the closet, he ran to that restroom so fast you just knew he was clenching chowder.

Clenching Chowder by Finn Gerbang January 6, 2015

Clutching Bungle 

To be in dire need of a shit

Any chance I can cut in the queue, mate? I'm clutching bungle here!

Clutching Bungle by Mondo Prime April 22, 2009

Buttock-clenching

1 Noun. The clenching of the Gluteus Maximus.
2 Adj. A word used to describe a tense, awkward or painful moment. This word was used by Bear Grylls whilst making a dangerous descent down a rock cliff in Man Vs Wild.

Buttock-clenching is a phrase used by British people.

1 Buttock-clenching helps strengthen the Gluteus Maximus.
2 That fall looked buttock-clenchingly painful.

Buttock-clenching by JMUK July 17, 2012