The Mon(k)ey 

when you feel empty inside and you go outside and spend money on things you don't need

you experience a short lived rush or high only to be followed by regret, shock, disgust. similar to drug use and addiction. the brain's stimuli are the same.
"Its insane what happens when i am let loose at the mall and experience The Mon(k)ey.

The Mon(k)ey by Krkič September 19, 2020

swapping the monkey 

a feat of stealth used by thieves to successfully pilfer items atop a pressure plate.

wife speaking to her husband: why is this coffee so weak, were you fucking swapping the monkey with your cup in the coffee maker again? that's it! we're getting a divorce!

swapping the monkey by WordRepoMan January 15, 2013

freezing the monkey 

Having sex or sexual actions with a snowman, according to popular youtuber CaptainSauce

"Yeah, John's a huge creep. I heard he was freezing the monkey last time it snowed."

freezing the monkey by Zainium August 10, 2019

What the Monkey! 

“What the Monkey!” is an expression which can be applied to almost any situation. It is not a question, it is a statement. Something like "What the F'"but to avoid cursing. "What the Monkey" is an expression usually when you are describing some kind of accident or surprise that had happened but it's funny. Like you watch some Funny Home Video about a guy trying to make a dive in the pool but the board broke or a cows trying to chase after you and make love.

Mary: "Hey, Kevin passed out last night and they stuck a carrot in his nose and a Pineapple on his head. Then they took pictures"
Peter: "Hahaha...What the Monkey!"

Wes: "What the Monkey!! Who the heck threw my underwear on the chandelier?"

What the Monkey! by Bard777 August 2, 2011

Fucked The Monkey 

To perform a slight error that unwittingly caused horrible, catastrophic level events

reference to: the widely-believed myth that AIDS began after someone fucked a monkey, caught the disease and then spread it through mankind.

A: "so I was writing a dirty email to my girl and accidentally sent it to my boss, her husband found it on her phone, thought she was cheating, and killed her and himself, now the company is folding and 400 people are without work and since this is a private hospital it's leaving 1000 patients without care....."

B: "dude, you fucked the monkey"

Fucked The Monkey by Dyrk Diggler April 1, 2011

wearing the monkey 

To wear an item of clothing that you have previously ejaculated into, e.g. a monkey sock.

Me:Dude I ran out of socks today and ended up wearing a monkey sock.
Friend: are you telling me you are wearing the monkey right now.... gross

wearing the monkey by felix844 July 2, 2012

beat the monkey 

Jacking off; Male masturbation.

I am going to stay home and beat the monkey.

beat the monkey by thisismoi January 13, 2008