Security Guard 

A profession that attracts the stupid in mass. People in this line of work tend to take themselves way to seriously and think they are actually law enforcement officers.

Look at the Security Guard over there. I bet he wakes up everyday and polishes his badge.

Security Guard by supercop 9000 April 21, 2009

Security guard

The most badass bodacious super fucking awesome job ever , one which is held by the greatest and most attractive historical figure of all time "Barney Calhoun" from the only game "Blue Shift". A security guard is so badass they have to lift 8000000 tons in the interview which is always easy for a real security guard as they are fucking badass and everyone wants them and they are gods chosen profession as seen in leviticus 61:67 "vro security guards are fucking badass". The security guards job is to protect areas or people from threats such as aliens, the military or zombies or ig trespassers and they do this by using the power bestowed by god because they are sexy and cool akin tl the greatest security guard of all time "Barney Calhoun". Gabe newell added the Barneys into half life as without it gordon would of died immediately, as security guards are a cornerstone of reality in our world
As a side fact , around 40% of people die in agony during the 800 lashings of hell portion of the interview which actually seperates the cattle from actual security guards

Barney Calhoun: yeah im a security guard
Flamboyant Colombian millenial with a passion for cream soda and who keeps his fathers ashes on his shelf: oh my god thats so hot ,let me carry your young

Security guard by BlueShiftGlazer June 6, 2026

home security guard 

A term to describe a NEET (Not in Education, Employment or Training).

It is a better term to describe people that stay at home 24/7 without any set goals. It is not to be confused as a licensed security guard.

Jake: I've heard that Dan found a job.

Rob: He's only working as a home security guard.

home security guard by Inferine April 16, 2017

i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out 

you screwed up bigtime. fr on god.

person 1: i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out
person 2: you fucking what??? you goin to jail cuhhhhhhhhh

i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out by some random ahh mothafucka idk June 6, 2022

dancing security guard

A freaking dank security guard that schools mascot

Loook at this DOOOOOODE Dancing security guard

dancing security guard by Memekid666 May 17, 2017

Krackhead Security Guard From the Seventh Ring of Hell 

A force to be dealt with, especially if you go to TTHS. Basically, any security guard at that particular high school. They are prone to attack people for these reasons:
1. The sky is blue
2. They're not high anymore
3. That person exists
4. They're stupid
5. Their anus hurts
6. They were on Ye Grand Hunt For Ye Olde Reefer and you just happened to be standing there
7. They feel like s**t, so they want to make you feel like s**t, too
8. Any reason you can think of.

Me: Oh, what a lovely day, la la la la...
Krackhead Security Guard From the Seventh Ring of Hell: Move out of the way....*mumbles something about not gettin any humboldt last week and reeking of smoke and urine*
Me: *move politely but flip them off behind their backs* What a dickhead...

Krackhead Security Guard From the Seventh Ring of Hell by Shawn B. January 15, 2007

Raj the security guard 

Regional Christchurch slang for particularly thirsty single men regularly seen posing in mall mirrors. Loves gym selfies but never manages to get his face in the shot. Has no game and repeatedly tries the same tactics expecting a different result. Often confused about their own sexuality.

I got catfish by another Raj the security guard. Sweet guns but a face only a mother could love

Raj the security guard by Thurston Harde April 15, 2021