Ahh, Modesto,
California. No one's heard of this town, but 200,000
people call it home. It's the central valley, so it's not exactly what you'd see on the OC. No beaches, just miles and miles of farmland mixed with suburban
hell and urban sprawl. That's not to say we don't have bragging rights. We've got just about everything you need to live: taco trucks, generally hot women (more prevalent in east Modesto, however), lots of fastfood, bad air pollution... well you get the idea. We've got a music
scene, and there are some pretty good local bands and venues. Our downtown comes alive at night, and it's somewhat of a haven for nightlife (and cops). We've got the stoners, emo children, thugs, indie kids, jocks, and preps. Del rio is where the rich kids live. And you always seem to have at least one friend who lives on a ranch in the boonies, which results in
random bonfires where teens go to consume lots of keystone while huddling around a
fire. Too
bad the cops here love to go on the party patrol, which makes for hectic weekends and plenty of stories about run-ins with the local 5-0. 99 runs through the heart of modesto. Further to the east, McHenry Avenue separates east Modesto from west. East modesto is where all the new housing developments are. They're served by Beyer, Enochs, and Johansen
high schools. There is also Modesto, Davis, and Downey high schools. If you are
bored, go downtown and watch a movie at Brenden theatres. It's more or less the default thing to do on a Saturday night if you are
bored, or if you are a pre-teen. Too
bad Brenden is plagued with emos and thugs. If you're a reasonably
popular teenager, the norm is to go to a high school party, loaded with plenty of valley girls, sometimes resulting in promiscuity or shameful hookups. MJC, our local community college, boasts admirable transfer rates, but it often becomes a hellhole for the lazy. Cruising is an important coming-of-age activity in Modesto, yet the cops here love to bust
people for anything, even setting up roadblocks and sobriety checkpoints occasionally.
Average
day/night in Modesto for a
teenager:
You ditch school with your friends, and to no avail, you find out there is absolutely nothing to do, which is often the case here in the valley. So you go to your friend's house to play some
xbox, and ravenge his
fridge for free food. You love mooching, and so does everyone else around here. Then, you stop by another friend's house, who happens to be hella rich, and has a massive swimming pool in his backyard, and a tennis court to
boot. For lunch, you and your friends decide to get
burrito supremes from the local taco trucks on 8th street. By the
time school is supposed to be over, you and your friends are chillaxing in the parking lot of your school, and meet up with some hot chicks. You go to the local Vintage Faire Mall but don't buy anything because you're broke as
hell. Later on that night, you meet up with some party
people in the parking lot of O'Brien's. From there, you decide what to do: house party in the
Dutch Hollow! There, you mingle with
people from different schools and smoke a bong in the backyard while downing a few Keystones. Of course, your designated driver also decides to toke a few with you. By the
time you've been to 5 parties all over Modesto, it's 1 AM. You are shaken, because 2 out of those 5 parties were shut down by the cops, and you had to escape over the backyard fence while severely intoxicated. At this point, you black out with your shoes on. When you wake up, the smell of puke lingers and you have a huge hangover. Your friend tells you that you hooked up with that average-looking chick from Davis. Regardless, she was a "1" on the binary scale. Even more alarming, you apparently attempted to pull a motorboat on a chick but you were slapped as a result, and got you and your friends kicked out. You also unknowlingly took a pill of ecstasy and vicodin while you were wasted and you are glad that you aren't dead. You go back home but your
conservative-ass
parents don't suspect a thing, because you told them that you spent the night at your friend's house to play videogames. At this point, you simply go upstairs and fall promptly asleep, glad that you live in the wonderful city known as Modesto.
Fact #1: Modesto is a microcosm for all the evils of a typical teen-age surburban society.
Fact #2: Modesto is within 2 hours driving
time of many favorable locations.
Fact #3: We love Modesto, and we love to party.
Outsider: Dude, you are sooo Modesto! All you do is party but you have honors classes and still get good grades!
Modestan: True, true.
