matturbate

To build up a sizable lead in a single game (or in the regular season standings) only to blow your offensive "load" prior to an actual recorded victory or championship.

"Matty Ice" a.k.a. "The Mattural" matturbated in the first half of the 2013 NFC Championship game against the San Francisco 49ers.

matturbate by Sherman Gepard January 21, 2013

Matturbate

Violently and chronicly masturbating to the point when your right, or left arm gets so engorged that you are able to bench press your own house.

One who is able to win a fist fight against a gorrila with only thier matturbate arm.

Matturbate by Gsteven June 20, 2010

Matturbate

When you are a guy named Matt and your missus is hell pissed at you this is your new favorite verb.

Hey I'm Matt and I'm in the shit, guess I gonna go Matturbate

Matturbate by Allegedly... October 18, 2019

masturbate and switch 

Masturbate and switch — the erotic KINK of having sex with one person while thinking of another; or, of talking dirty to a sexual partner and allowing them to verbally — either from your mouth or theirs — acknowledge deep sexual attraction for another person; or, for an extreme sexual scenario.

This is not a practice for the sexually insecure — unless insecurity is your particular KINK!!!!!

On the one hand, if one wants to enjoy the depth sexuality of another, the partner has to be made to feel comfortable physically, mentally and spiritually.

On the other hand, one would have to ask if their ego is strong enough to facilitate the unbridled sexuality and fantasy life of another.

Well…you don’t hit home runs unless you swing for the fences. And, on the other hand, if you swing too hard and miss YOU CAN STRIKE OUT!!!!!!

Unless you are a “sex-pert” DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!!!

But if you are ever semi-single in Negril at a Club Med — and you didn’t hear this from me — give it a shot!!!!!!!

Remember: NOT A PRACTICE FOR THE SEXUALLY TIMID AND INSECURE!!!!!!

Him: Wow, that was a quick orgasm, babe!!! You must have been really horny.

Her: Naw. I did a masturbate and switch and IT GOT REALLY GOOD TO ME!!!!!!

Him: Tell me what you were thinking so I can masturbate and switch, too!!!!!!!!!

masturbate and switch by Mind Hunter the Profiler June 21, 2023

Masturbaker's dozen 

The pinnacle of all dedicated feckless cum-shedders whereby the participant aims to ejaculate more than 13 times in a 24 hour period. 13 loads in generally accepted by industry insiders as being the level that separates the men from the boys.

'I did it , I did the masturbaker's dozen! Admittedly the last six were with a floppy and the jizz was purely gaseous, but by golly I finally did it. Now it's off to the doctor for me to get some ointment for the blisters and tennis elbow..'

Masturbaker's dozen by Anonymous submissions December 10, 2016

masturbasement 

secluded, underground space in your home where you can finally jerk off in peace

"After my wife goes to sleep and I kick all of my guy friends out of my downstairs mancave, I get out my pornos and turn it into my very own private masturbasement."

masturbasement by Eric Rohmer October 10, 2014

masturbate 

Act people commit when browsing Urban Dictionary

All these definitions make me want to masturbate

masturbate by 32121 July 22, 2016