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cold lotion

Coined by comedian Bill Burr and his girlfriend Nia Hill (aka the "Lovely Nia") and shared with his legions of fans via the Monday Morning Podcast.

Refers to something that should be good but ends up being bad. Originated when Bill was about to give Nia a back massage (good) but didn't rub his hands to warm up the lotion which resulted in Nia getting shocked by the sensation his cold freckle-marked hands on her warm skin (bad). Should be said like an African American pimp stereotype from the 1970s.
Person one - "I got a raise a few weeks ago and finally got my pay check. Turns out I was bumped into a higher tax bracket and I now net less than before."

Person two - "Shiiiiiiit bro, that be some cold lotion!"

-------

Person one - "I finally got a date with Margret. Afterwards we went back to my place to fuck but when I took off her shirt she had the worst banana tits ever. I couldn't get it up."

Person two - "Ooooooo that is some cold lotion son!"
cold lotion by HabsRule June 9, 2013
Related Words

Lotioning 

“Bro I was lotioning a sweet one earlier”
“You’re always on call trying to lotion tings....”
Lotioning by Trinzico March 13, 2021

sal lobiondo III 

Don't be such a Sal Lobiondo III.

Spreading the lotion 

4-0 up! We’re now spreading the lotion.

Damn, that’s a hat trick by Occle, he’s spreading the lotion.

No way coming back from this now, the lotion has been spread.
Spreading the lotion by QTip57 March 7, 2020

literally loling 

Actually Literally Laughing Out Loud not just saying so by typing LOL in a text, instant message, chat or the like. Literally loling is usually accompanied by a big Kool-Aid smile that lasts anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes after initial literal laughter subsides or is otherwise contained in order to avoid questions like "whats so funny?" from annoying ease droppers in close proximity or around the vicinity of said loler.

Literally loling takes extra effort to type and conveys to others that lol is not just being used as a sentence-filler by someone lazy or pretending to be amused and therefore should be used sparingly for those true lol moments.

Furthermore, it's use can expand past type/text scenarios when describing a literal lol moment.
K-rizztxt: So how was Vegas?

Metxt: OMG! At TAO, I was dance raped by a Puerto Rican midget chic from New York while her husband was snappin photos saying, "What happens in Vegas baby!" True story!

K-rizztxt: Woah dude! I'm literally loling! I wanna see the pics!

later that day (in a non-textversation)...

Kristi: Dude, you can't send messages like that while I'm at work! I was literally loling and was asked "whats so funny" by my obnoxious cubemate.

Me: Who cares check out the pix on my facespace!!! It was such a the hangover kind of weekend!

Kristi: Sounds like it, if you didn't have proof I'd think you'd pirated it from TFLN.
literally loling by Misa Rose August 14, 2009

Jerkin's Lotion 

Street name for Jergen's Lotion, famous for it's cock lubing masterbational qualities.
PETER: Hey, Bobby, how's it goin'?

BOBBY: Great, but I was just getting ready to leave to go shopping.

PETER: Oh man, I HATE shopping!

BOBBY: Oh, come on, I won't take that long; I'm just getting the basics -- milk, cereal, beer and Jerkin's Lotion.