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if you ever 

phrase

used as a response to something that you don't want said or done

shortened from "if you ever say that embarrassing statement in front of people" or "if you ever dance like that in public"
person 1: "hey remember the time when you ripped your pants trying to touch your toes at the gym"

person 2: "if you ever"
if you ever by kittypuff March 25, 2010
Urban Dictionary Merch

If you ever step on my patch... 

The pre-text to a phrase threatening anyone who 'steps on your patch'.
Person 1: Hey can I step on your patch?
Person 2:If you ever step on my patch... I'll bring you down, I'll bring you down...

Also the only lyrics to a song by Jim Noir, and music used in the video game Little Big Planet.

If you ever need anyone to lick things for ya, I’m your guy 

“If you ever need anyone to lick things for ya, I’m your guy” is something Daniel Seavey said after licking a present under the mistletoe.
Daniel: If you ever need anyone to lick things for ya, I’m your guy
Limelights: oh hell yeah

good for you you look happy and heathy not me if you ever cared to ask 

Olivia- GOOD FOR YOU YOU LOOK HAPPY AND HEATHY NOT ME IF YOU EVER CARED TO ASK :)

if I ever find you 

If ever I should find you:

*I promise to give my time, my word, my hand, my heart, my love, my life.

*I promise to kneel with you, stand by you, walk beside you, lay next to only you.

*I promise "good morning beautiful" and "good night love".

*I promise to listen to your dreams, to support you as you chase your dreams, to celebrate you as you realize your dreams.

*I promise hugs in abundance, kisses in public, snuggles as needed, love as if it is endless.

*I promise breakfast in bed, breakfast in Rome, breakfast by a campfire, breakfast without the clean-up.

*I promise Christmas in July, Valentine's Day everyday, you will be my favorite holiday.

*I promise morning talks to evening walks.

*I promise sunrises holding hands to moonlights holding you close.

*I promise waking to dreams to falling asleep having lived a daydream.

*I promise to do the work, to do my 100 percent, to do what I promised I would do.

*I promise to grow with you, to grow old with you, to grow more in love with you.

*I promise joy in the mundane moments, love in the difficult moments, life in the simple moments.

*I promise joy without end, love without conditions, life without limits.

*I promise you will know you are loved.
If I ever find you…

Life changes. I will never lose hope.

These, my promises.

like this if you cry every time 

A statement or phrase, normally at the end of a terrible powerpoint involving a poorly written "sad" story, signaling the viewer to give the creator the attention which he or she so badly craves. See Like Whore.
Girl: "bf, will you love me 4 ever?"
Boy: "no"
Narrator: "girl runs into street and is hit by car. boy sees if she am OK. She dead!!!
Boy: "I meant to say i will love you 5 ever!"
Narrator: "Like this if you cry every time."

If you ask out your crush after winter break they do not have to say yes because everyone has a choice and you are an ignorant piece of shit 

To whom ever made the rule that you have to say yes , this was made specifically made for you
If you ask out your crush after winter break they do not have to say yes because everyone has a choice and you are an ignorant piece of shit Because we are allowed to say no
More from Urban Dictionary

You met me at a very Chinese time in my life

A moment in time where you feel distinctly Chinese over all other things.
Dante: "I wish I could be Nigerian, but I can't because I'm Chinese. You met me at a very Chinese time in my life."
Word of the Day on September 25, 2026
Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.

Also used to describe establishments where alternative foods and products are sold, i.e. natural food stores.

Modified derivative of granola.
"I need more crunchy guys in my life. I'm so tired of dating preppy metrosexual assholes."

"I'm heading out to the crunchy store to pick up some fair trade chocolate and tea tree oil, do you need anything?"
crunchy by EBC July 11, 2007
Word of the Day on September 24, 2026
A group of people, typically women, searching through someone’s digital footprint in order to find more information about that person.
Susie wasn’t sure if her new Hinge match was a creep, so she assembled Galantir and they found out he used to post slurs on gaming forums.
Galantir by Ge-sus September 22, 2026
Word of the Day on September 23, 2026

murderhobo 

In a tabletop game, a murderhobo is a player who murders NPCs indiscriminately. This is normally derogatory, referring to a player who totally ignores quests, dialog, backstory, trade, world building etc.

The term is most common with Dungeons and Dragons, but it can be applied to most RPGs where the player is allowed to kill most quest-giving NPCs and NPC traders. E.g. Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Divinity original sin.
DM: The sad little orphan girl tugs at Steve's trenchcoat to get his attention, and ask for help saving her pet dog from...
Steve: I'd like to roll a strength check against strangling the orphan.
Dave: I call dibs on the dog.
DM: You murderhobos disgust me.
murderhobo by Loup&S September 9, 2021
Word of the Day on September 22, 2026
In sales terms, a whale is a prospect that is significantly larger than an organization’s average customer.

Whales are large and extremely difficult to close. Due to their immense size, they are highly sought-after.

A whale is typically identified at first by a whale hunter on the sales team, but often requires cross-discipline participation in order to close; this includes assistance from operations, engineering, creative, client success, and business development teams.
"Shit...the sales director chewed me out on the sales call this morning. He's totally pissed that I have nothing in my pipeline. I've been focused on this one whale for so long that I haven't had time to prospect for normal-sized deals."
Whale by FQ_GFY February 3, 2020
Word of the Day on September 21, 2026

Concrete cowboy 

A guy who thinks he's a country kinda guy, but in reality lives a comfortable city / suburban life.
Eugene: Look at that dude in the cowboy hat!
Todd: He's just a concrete cowboy.
Word of the Day on September 20, 2026
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