(n.) An absolute, complete, and unbelievable tosser. One whose existence has outlived their usefulness, like a blanket completely glazed in semen.
Modifiers include, but are not limited to: supreme, shit-sucking, insufferable, etc.
Guy 1: Last week, Nate was being such a shit-sucking wankblanket, I just had to deck him in the face.
Guy 2: What was he doing?
Guy 1: He just kept trying to get me to battle! It was pissing me off.
When a man has been sitting wanking for such a length of time, that he is unable to walk or stand.
Craig had been wanking for so long over the porn channel he was unable to stand, thus had to crawl up the stairs hoping his parents would not stumble over him and his cum filled hand on his way to the bathroom.