Fake Wood -- Medically or mechanically induced male erection (of the penis).

The horrible moment when you realise that you have accidentally done something very slightly wrong which has very bad (usually embarassing) implications for you. This is typically the moment of realisation that you just sent a dirty text message to a close member of family, typically your mother, rather than the intended recipient.

Any kind of pattern resembling wood grain but made from something other than wood. Also known as "fake or faux wood or woodgrain".