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Wanking off a Smurf 

When people have blue hands which have been dyed with ink, paint etc they are said to have wanked off a smurf.
Why are your hands blue? Have you been wanking off a smurf or something?

SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermi 

Some neurosurgeon posted a definition for masturbate with a bunch of synonyms and decided it would be a good idea to make them all one big link, which is how you got here to this page. Here's to that genius.
I hope that person catches AIDS from masturbating.



SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement.

Wanking Dead Dogs off 

What a man (or woman) does to pass the time of day if he so wishes.
"Where's Ginner?"

"Wanking dead dogs off at the side of the road"

"Oh"

Wanking’t dog off 

Wanking’t dog off indicates that a person is not doing anything at that moment in time and/or has no plans.

PSA- no dogs shall be harmed, the masturbation of canines is not included.
Alex: what are you doing today?

Caitlin: Wanking’t dog off.
Wanking’t dog off by Cwilss March 4, 2024

Wacking Off In My Tool Shed 

Addictive behaviour conducted in demeaning and surreptitious circumstances.
(On finding a dieting woman wolfing ice cream right out of the bucket while standing in front of the freezer at 2 am): "Are you whacking off in the tool shed again?"

wacking off

i was wacking off for 2 hours straight last night.
wacking off by Alexanderia October 27, 2006
More from Urban Dictionary
A seemingly endless debate with a idiot
I don't know man im not ready for yap trap stupidity today which always tries to suck you into it
Yap Trap by WolfieSnack November 4, 2026
Word of the Day on November 5, 2026
Texas is categorized as a swing state in presidential elections, but has voted for Republicans more times than for Democrats in recent history. As such, as demographics change political alignments, some Democrats believe that Texas will vote blue, or Democratic, due to their Hispanic and African American voters, who often align themselves with the Democratic Party's liberal wing.

Blexas has been cited as possible in the upcoming decades, but only if Democrats continue to win the Hispanic vote in bigger margins.
Democrat 1: What is your prediction for the 2024 presidential election?
Democrat 2: Well uh, Blexas!
Democrat 1: You've been saying that since 2008 though.
Blexas by Tritonist June 14, 2021
Word of the Day on November 4, 2026

briefcake 

"Did you check out the briefcake in courtroom C?"
briefcake by Ben Frey April 6, 2006
Word of the Day on November 3, 2026
Brought to public attention by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in the book on the fall of Richard Nixon, All The President’s Men, ratfucker was Nixon’s term for a political operative who sows chaos among opponents; an agent provocateur. It is thought to have originated among campus political rivalries at USC, and seems to have some usage in the US military.
Along with Nixon’s other ratfuckers, Roger Stone caused fights at otherwise peaceful Democratic Party protests to generate a false narrative that the Democrats were violent and dangerous.
Ratfucker by Ricky Ramjet November 2, 2017
Word of the Day on November 2, 2026

countrypolitan 

Term used to describe someone who is a mix of both rural (country) and urban (metropolitan) lifestyles/upbringings. He/she is typically equally comfortable in both settings and is able to seamlessly slip back and forth between the two, appreciating the characteristics of each.
That ol' gal of mine drives the 12 lane freeway during the week and a John Deere on the weekends. She likes opra and the Grand Ol' Opry. I love them countrypolitan women.
countrypolitan by MOChick November 7, 2006
Word of the Day on November 1, 2026

Witch Bath 

A bath consisting of a variety of slats, oils, soaps or any other added ingredients such as fruits, milks, herbs or any other spices for health or beautifying benifits.
She brought home alot of stuff and took it to the bathroom. She must be taking a witch bath.
Witch Bath by carnieboy30 October 26, 2020
Word of the Day on October 31, 2026
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