A fanfiction written by LiveJournal user canniblaine. It's based around the FOX comedy/musical series, Glee, in which the character Blaine Anderson shoves a dead bird corpse up the ass of his boyfriend, Kurt Hummel.
I wish I was kidding.
The Pavarotti Protocol:
“Please kill me,” says Kurt, nails digging into the hardwood surface of the table he's bent over. “Please kill me now.”
Blaine doesn't think Kurt is actually suicidal, so it's okay. The other Warblers watch on with a disinterested air, standing in a circle around the scene. Blaine decides that Kurt's lamentations are spurred from the heat of the moment and the knowledge of what's about to come to him, so it's perfectly fine.
The highly esteemed WikiWizard, he defends this position by using his forehead, which blinds with the glare of a thousand burning suns. His normal classroom activities include wikisurfing, traveling around Google Earth, and losing focus with tangents or digressions. He accosts students showing any signs of nodding off. He spends his free time coaching basketball and buffing his head.
Mr. Palarz: Are you alive this morning?
Student A: Yes, I'm just shielding my eyes from your glare.
A human with transluscent skin and visible veins who is incapable of tanning and easily burned in the sun; long time enemy of the ginger.
Queen Elizabeth was a powerful ginger whose demise was a result of her attempt to maintain the appearance of a pallard.
Eva Green and Helena Bonham Carter are two famous pallards.
Pallards often dye their hairred to easily resemble a ginger save for the tell-tale freckles.