Musturbating 

A term coined by American Psychologist Albert Ellis explaining that if you look at the things that anger, upset or frustrate you, 99 % of the time, you have a MUST, OUGHT or SHOULD in your thoughts.

Parents:
You really shouldn’t buy that much alcohol...

Their kid:
Well y’all really shouldn’t be doing a lot of things, but you don’t see me getting into your goddamn businesses.

Both the parents and the kid had a SHOULD/SHOULDN’T in their thoughts leaving them musturbating.

Musturbating by Black hearted emo February 14, 2020

Musturbating 

When a male wishes to partake in single-handed autoeroticism, however they have run out of lubricant such as lotion. In this case, they use mustard as a substitute for lubricant.

"Mom! Q is musturbating again!"
"Goddamnit don't you have any lotion???"

Musturbating by mew0mori January 13, 2024

masturbating to the dictionary 

A phrase used as a comeback to a Grammar Nazi or to someone who says “grammar is sexy” during a conversation. It can be used in any situation to respond to someone who tries to shame you on your grammar.

i.e.
txt msg exchange
Timmy: Yo Jake, you wanna come over to Jason’s place to smoke after school? Meghan and Jill are coming over and I’m sure your have a dope time with us.
Jake: You mean *you’ll have a dope time.
Timmy: Dude, are you masturbating to the dictionary at your house? Don’t be such a Grammar Nazi.

Lucy: Hey Jamie, do you think Alex is doing good today after the party last night? You think he’s interested in hanging out later?
Jamie: You mean, doing WELL after the party…? Damn Lucy, grammar is sexy just an fyi.
Lucy: Wtf Jamie, when did you start masturbating to the dictionary?

masturbating to the dictionary by runninghighkid August 4, 2018

Meaturbating 

The act of consuming any type of meat without the knowledge or permission of your Vegan/Vegetarian significant other who has either forced you or convinced you to comply with his or her dietary beliefa. The act of Meaturbation can bring on waves of guilt and typically results in efforts to reform oneself to please your controlling and almost omnipresent spouse. Who at a minimum is an enthusiastic believer and at a maximum an unhinged zealot

I saw my good friend Meaturbating during lunch yesterday. And while he seemed to be enjoying himself, it was clear that he felt ashamed as well.

Meaturbating by Yogithan April 4, 2019

masturbating

What you're doing when using urban dictionary.

I'm masturbating.

masturbating by ccthz January 27, 2021

furiously masturbating 

A type of masturbating practiced by reclusives who fear that their masturbatory time may be limited.

This is generally not the case, giving furious masterbaters a proclivity to masturbate a lot.

Instead of playing beer pong and sleazing on grimbos, Alex spent the night in his room, furiously masturbating.

furiously masturbating by AXAdartmouth April 16, 2009