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Computer Whiz 

A computer whiz is a person who is an expert with technology, and can often blow some people's minds with their capabilities.
John is such a computer whiz that he even outsmarted me with this windows thing!
Computer Whiz by Bigdirtyjoe May 24, 2019

tight as a fishes ass under compression 

Someone who does not spend any money.............period!
He was as tight as a fishes ass under compression when it came time to getting any money out of him.....cunt.

compretend

When someone seems to be comprehending directions or instructions but it turns out that they are just pretending.
My boss just explained the project to me and I nodded like I understood, but I was just compretending.
compretend by CaptainRong1 December 23, 2013

School Computer 

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself
Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.
School Computer by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018

old computer 

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on
Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer

The mind can only comprehend...

The mind can only comprehend...what the buttocks can endure! This is a saying about long classes and seminars. If attendees have sat to the point of discomfort, they probably won't pay attention to the class.
The students had glazed eyes and shifted in their seats. The mind can only comprehend...what the buttocks can endure!