what the monkey 

An expression of shock pioneered in West Sussex churches as a way to avoid swearing when surprised. Has now spread and is a general phrase used when shocked. Can be shortened for instant messaging to WTM.

"Johnny, I'm pregnant."
"What the monkey!?"

what the monkey by Stephen W. Thomas October 12, 2004

What the Monkey! 

“What the Monkey!” is an expression which can be applied to almost any situation. It is not a question, it is a statement. Something like "What the F'"but to avoid cursing. "What the Monkey" is an expression usually when you are describing some kind of accident or surprise that had happened but it's funny. Like you watch some Funny Home Video about a guy trying to make a dive in the pool but the board broke or a cows trying to chase after you and make love.

Mary: "Hey, Kevin passed out last night and they stuck a carrot in his nose and a Pineapple on his head. Then they took pictures"
Peter: "Hahaha...What the Monkey!"

Wes: "What the Monkey!! Who the heck threw my underwear on the chandelier?"

What the Monkey! by Bard777 August 2, 2011

What the H Monkey??

a word when said if confused and has nothing better to say

created by Blair Bear of the 727 bizz-itchess

Bob- "Fuck yo couch!!!"

Blair Bear- "What the H Monkey??"

What the H Monkey?? by Blairy Bo Beary October 9, 2008

Give the monkey what she wants 

To put forth the necessary effort to ensure the satisfaction of all involved parties in a particular situation.

“This presentation needs to be perfect, or my boss is going to be up my ass crack without a paddle. I’m really going to have to give the monkey what she wants, or I’ll be out of a job faster than you can say ‘Can you lend a coworker a pencil?’”

Give the monkey what she wants by Skronx July 5, 2021

What about the money in Blackwater? 

What a rat/snake says to it's boss about money that has been left there by a failed bank robbery

"What about the money in Blackwater??"
"Forget that, it’s gone. You talk like it’s the only goddamn money in the world!!!"

What about the money in Blackwater? by Kriminat0r February 16, 2025

What The Flaming Fudge Monkeys 

Abbreviated as 'WTFFM'

A way to show enormous frustration without actually cursing. Taking from the popular acronym WTF.

Friend: "You do know that she's cheating on you right?"

You: "What The Flaming Fudge Monkeys man! You better be kidding!"

Friend: "Sorry dude, but it is true."

You: "Argh!"

What The Flaming Fudge Monkeys by Hyn May September 27, 2010