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Vested

To have been fisted, in an indeterminate orifice, all the way up to the fister's shoulder, and once his/her hand reaches the kidneys, their phalanges must be spread wide.

The name derives from the fact that only a vest can be worn during the act.
Example 1: Hey you! Ten seconds ago you were vested!
Example 2: I'm gonna vest you, boy!
by The Real Men. March 1, 2011
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vested

money you can actually touch, or cash out as a paycheck/income
out of my $5000 in my 401(k), only 80% of it is vested, which means i can only take out at max $4000. my employer still holds the remaining $1000. the remaining $1000, will be mine after 6 months.
by anon03654643 January 13, 2023
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Vested Up

To currently have on a ballistic vest or ballistic armor (bulletproof vest).
That nigga vested up. Gonna aim for the head.
by Red_5 October 17, 2009
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vested interest

Personal and/or monetary connection/involvement regarding an upper-torso-warmth/protection garment-manufacturing establishment.
If I worked in a job dat required Kevlar body-armor, I would sure-as-shootin' (pun not intended, but it is indeed 100% appropriate!) have a "vested interest" in da garments' manufacturer!
by QuacksO March 28, 2020
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Yellow-vested fuck

Any service workers deemed excessive, unnecessary, or generally unhelpful. Usually stands out by the bright yellow vests they wear, sometimes adorned with reflective lining
The parking situation at SeaWorld sucks. Just a bunch of yellow-vested fucks standing around not being particularly helpful in directing traffic
by Prince Edward the turd January 8, 2020
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vaccine vested

For when you are two weeks past your last vaccine dose
After I'm vaccine vested, I'm going eat the shit out of some totchos at a bar.
by mhaswritersblock May 17, 2021
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visted

When you are an unfortunate user of an installation of Windows Vista that just doesn't like to function properly. The daily hassle of rebooting and trying to get other software to work with Vista leaves you with an ass-raped feeling.
Leon: Dammit I have to reboot again.

Mobley: Dude, you just got Visted.
by Mobzekiel June 13, 2010
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