If Alan Funt is Gay or coherent enough to know what Gay means, he would probably produce a "You're on Candid Camera" version of "Glittered and Twittered!"
This is a non-physical form of Straight Bashing.
Twittered is to have your name put on Twitter.com without your permission and in not very good light. Examples: An embarrassing situation, or caught with the proverbial "Hands in the Cookie Jar" while maybe..., eating them in the closet?
For the 'Glittered' aspect of this phrase, you must revert to this website's definition of "Glitter."
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.
You didn't get any napkins with your takeout pork fried rice? Womp womp.