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Ancient Teutonic word meaning 'man with the big sword'. As a name it was usually bestowed upon clan leaders. The Hessel of a clan was privileged to have multiple wives, and was allowed to entertain the wives of other clan members at will in intercourse as part of his privileges.
'My wive is unable do the shopping today, she cannot walk due to the Hessel she received in her hut last night'
Hessel by Freddy3 August 9, 2006
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To be extremely well "equipped" in the pants. (aka big penis)

From German and Ancient Teutonic descent
Those Hessels put the whole neighborhood to shame.
hessel by echolopia September 28, 2006
'To Hessel' means: to masturbate while thinking of anal sex with animals.
"dude, the ass of that dog makes me horny. I'd really like to Hessel right now!"
hessel by Hessel August 10, 2006
Hessel is the defenition of a whanker he never Comes and Hatesniggers also has a weakness for diarrhea
Look at that Hessel shitting him self

That hessel is having a soft wet time on the toilet
Hessel by Maybe a Virgin November 23, 2021

Hessel Handi 

When you travel from Tolono to Hessel Park just to rub one out to the kids playing on the splash pad.
Hey, did you see the school board president giving himself the Hessel Handi the other day.

God work sucked today I could really go for a Hessel Handi.
Hessel Handi by Tolonoman July 23, 2022

HessenTag 

An unofficial Holiday in the Kingdom of Trimaris, SCA, on or about November Third where the participants change their social media profile pictures to that of St. Danial von Hessen. The goal is to raise the ire of the Hessen so that we may all be warmed by his wrath.
"On our 37th most holy of days, HessenTag, are we all blessed by his wrath." "Merry happy HessenTag upon you"
HessenTag by Ari Tyrbrandr November 4, 2020

Hasselhoff 

A caramelized chiseled exterior and a full head of locks, the sexy wimper snapper who starred in the Knight Rider and took it in the butt on Bay Watch episode #11 season one
I went to the movies to watch Spongebob out of water and to my surprise one of my favorite actors was in it as a human surfboard Hasselhoff..and I do believe he may have played as a long board and he had the lifeguard look with a copper tone white smudge on his sniffer and everything
Hasselhoff by Roobeer November 7, 2020