happsturbation

(n.) the act of masturbating not because you're sexually aroused, but because you're just so happy you have to touch yourself.

Jamie: what are your plans this afternoon?

Carla: you know, I'm having such a good day I think I'll participate in some happsturbation!

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hipsturbation

The act of trying to be hip and failing miserably, as in "a poor substitute for the real thing".

My dad is really good at hipsturbation when he talks like he is in the 70s.

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The excitation of one's own genital organs while simultaneously asphyxiating oneself usually to the point of orgasm.

Late at night, Officer Billy loves hangsturbating in his cop vehicle while checking for drivers going over the speed limit.

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The process of masturbating to thoughts, images, or sounds of Broadway and Film star Anthony Rapp.

She's become a bit of a recluse, because she has such a problem with public Rappsturbation

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The act of bewildering or purposefully manipulating the Hart to the point of extreme frustration and, eventually, physical lashing out for ones personal satisfaction.

Bro 1: Hey Hart, you should hook up with ...!!

Hart: blah, you're totally right!
Bro 2: damn, Bro 1 that was some fun hartsturbation...

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