Made by Pfizer in collaboration with The Onion News Network, Despondex is the first
drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness. It can prevent
loud joyful squeals when a friend calls, Christmas caroling, costume parties, talking in
line at a grocery store, community potlucks, excessive hugging, and smiles.
Are you annoyingly happy?
Despondex could be right for you.
If you are in a good mood occasionally that is normal but if you have a persistant positive outlook on
life you should ask your doctor about Despondex.
Now you too can waste a night sitting on the couch with your friends or family watching a TV show no
one enjoys.
Despondex prevents
happiness better than watching the news, considering man'
s impact on nature, checking your bank balance, and thinking about how old you are and how little you have accomplished.