Neil: Houston, we have a problem. Buzz is plantin’ some onion and the fan relay on the LEM’s environmental system has got a 203 alarm.
Houston Control: Roger that, Neil. You have our condolences and we’re checkin’ the accessory bus.
The sexualact of defecating in a woman's verticle smile.
Hey bro, you hook up with that chick last night?
Oh bro, I had whiskey dick so bad and couldn't make it to the bathroom on time so I wound up planting a potato.
Canadian: Wow, I can't believe it takes me 30 minutes a day just to drive to work!
American: If you think hard, I have to go 45 minutes on road to anywhere!
Mexican: You guys have roads!?
North Americans together: Oh yeah we don't have urban planning...
"Planning a diarrhea" is a humorous way of referring to a planned sick leave from work, especially when it's not backed by actual sickness, but rather to spend paid sick days for things other than sickness.
Diarrhea is used as an excuse for the leave, as it's cumbersome enough to keep one from leaving home, warrants little explanation, and may not require a doctor's note to justify the sick day, as it can go away on its own.