Real Jesus tears is when something very truamatic has occurred and you begin to cry. The tears are not the same at just crying though. When you cry real Jesus tears you can feel the pain and suffering in your chest and stomach.
I failed my final exam, when I got the paper back I cried real Jesus tears.
when you're holding up your phone and making faces at it, as though you are taking a selfie, but you're really taking a picture of the person across from you or the wall or anything else that seems interesting but you don't want to be caught dead taking a picture of.
This action is often made more convincing by wiggling the eyebrows or opening the mouth, to pretend you're trying to get a Snapchat filter to work.
FRIEND A: "Did you just take a stealthie of me?"
FRIEND B (turning phone around): "no I was just using snapchat's new filter, see?"