Attornity 

The hours that the 5-10 minutes that an attorney promises to call you back devolves into.

I am waiting for a call. For what feels like an attornity.

Attornity by nillie cosweb September 3, 2013

Cocksucking Attorney 

1. Incorporates August 30, 2007 definition of the word Cocksucker.
2. Applies to attorneys who take one position on a legal matter.
3. However, in court, they actively exploit the legal matter to their benefit, to the detriment of others.
4. Typically used in situations related to poor ethics where the attorney puts their own personal interest ahead of their client or the courts.

1. (Class Action Settlement) "Did you hear about that settlement for the iThingy Defect? I got .38 cents for it and the attorneys at Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe told us they were doing this out of principle, and not looking for a payday, yet they received $62 million. Those Cocksucking Attorneys!"

2. (Litigation) "I can't believe the courts sanctioned me for bringing a frivolous lawsuit. Schlosky told my case was solid, made me pay him $5,000 to file this lawsuit, and now I have to pay a $10,000 fine to the court! Michael is such a Cocksucking Attorney!

3. (Public Debate) "Did you read Einhorn's argument against using waivers to disclaim fraud in court? Yet this guy is using the same tactics to get his dirty client off the hook? How can this Cocksucking Attorney sleep at night."

4. (Conflict of Interest) "I found out today that Lisa, my attorney for the malpractice suit that left me disabled, is a cousin for the doctor we're suing. How can I trust her when she's spending holidays with that monster. I now question everything she's ever told me about this case, and need to fire her ASAP. She is such a Cocksucking Attorney."

5. (Poorly managed expectations) "That Cocksucking Attorney Ralph told us to expect a windfall from being insulted by the waitress of Bojangles, we paid him over $100,000 to represent us, and all we got were coupons for free pancakes".

Cocksucking Attorney by JusticeThePup March 22, 2023

Eric Holder - Attorney General 

Eric Holder is a perfect example of a token puppet nigger appointed to the position of U.S. Attorney General that functions as dictated by a racially biased, self-serving, administration that will not uphold the law with respect to any legal issue that may reflect negatively on blacks, whom they rely on to further their political agenda(s). At the time of this writing, two major issues face this scum sucking moolie. The first being the refusal to pursue black on white crime as 'hate' crime, even though it is obvious to everybody that this was the motive. The second is the 'Fast and Furious' scandal that ultimately helped cause the deaths of law enforcement personnel. The agenda here being the false argument in favor of banning semi-automatic firearms, claiming they are falling into the hands of criminals across the border. This of course they would hope would open the flood gates to still more forms of gun control in an attempt to disarm the American public.

That shitstain Eric Holder - Attorney General is refusing to present documents relating to the Fast and Furious scandal to congress. I hope they don't just nail the spook for contempt, but throw his worthless watermelon ass in the slammer with some Aryan Brotherhood folks. Ever see the videos of this coon talking about brainwashing America’s youth against firearms? A prime example of how a nigger feels this country should be run.

Eric Holder - Attorney General by Larry Major In Omaha September 24, 2012

Ace Attorney 

A courtroom/crime drama series by Capcom which started in Japan in 2001 as a GameBoy Advance game called Gyakuten Saiban. More commonly identified by its rather popular titular character, Phoenix Wright. You basically have to investigate every crime, with some interesting/annoying characters along the way then battle it out in the courtroom with prosecutors who are German or arrogant as f***. Also, 3 of the games have the assistants underage for no goddamn reason. Has currently 5 games released in the US, 7 in Japan (not including one spinoff) and one announced for both regions. Has a crapton of Mangas and Artbooks. Also has quite the supply of rabid fangirls who are guaranteed to ship every two characters in the series together. ALL OF THEM. Their fans are dedicated to the series, to the point that when the main character changed for once most of them were so angry Phoenix Wright had to get back. Also, has many ask roleplay blogs on Tumblr.

Titular Characters: Phoenix Wright, Apollo Justice, Miles Edgeworth

Fangirl: OH EM GEE THIS TWO I SHIP THEM TOO MUCH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK *faints*

Person 1: OBJECTION!
Person 2: SHUT UP.

Fan: APOLLO JUSTICE SUCKS PHOENIX WRIGHT FTW

Fangirl: EDGEWORTH!!!!111one!!! *faints*

Fan: Guys, the new Ace Attorney game has Phoenix Wright again!
Other Fans: YESSSSSS!!!

*insert Tumblr here*

Ace Attorney by Donnman March 18, 2013

dump truck attorney 

A derisive term to describe an incompetent and sometimes elderly attorney assigned by the state to represent a prison inmate going before the Board Of Prison Hearings who cannot afford a private one.

Yup, I’ve got another sad sack shot before the Board again this year with another dump truck attorney to mangle my case facts and the possibility of release.

dump truck attorney by Dr Bunnygirl August 31, 2019

Attorney's Badge 

The most valuable piece of evidence for a spiky haired lawyer in a blue suit.

"Your honor! This attorney's badge contradicts the testimony!"
"How??"
"fuck"

Attorney's Badge by A smalltown disc September 14, 2021

Keyboard Attorney 

Random kids on the internet who think they're attorneys without knowing what the hell it is. They think they're lawyers, when in reality they don't know jack, and their moms just told the they're good at arguing and that they should become a lawyer.

Beyond Scared Straight Deputy: Hit me if you want to, girl!

Girl: *Hits deputy

"Lukezilla" from Youtube: "lEgaLLy iF sOmeONe gIvEs yOu pErmISsIon aS tHe OfFiceR dID iT is oKAy tO hIt tHe pERson gIRl dID nOthIng wRonG"

Me: Okay "Lukezilla". Smh, so many Keyboard Attorneys out here

Lukezilla's mom: "Lukey stop being a Keyboard Attorney and go to bed"

Lukezilla: Shut up bitch I'll kill you!

Keyboard Attorney by Killmonger55485 May 24, 2020