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monkeys and typewriters 

No fucking chance, man. Even with infinite chances, time, and probability, it ain't happening.
"Did your team survive?"
"They were too inexperienced. You know, monkeys and typewriters."

Brixton typewriter

Hey kid, hand me my brixton typewriter so I can dispose of this thief on my lawn.

Chicago Typewriter 

n. A Thompson submachine gun, as used by Prohibition-era gangsters. So-named because the sound of a Tommy being fired in the distance resembled the sound of typing on a typewriter, and because the weapon was in popular use throughout south-side Chicago in Al Capone's day.
Vinnie always wrote his enemies on a Chicago typewriter.
Chicago Typewriter by Carl Willis August 25, 2004

poop in the typewriter

Spare me the dissertation Vicky, I get your point...the rest is just poop in the typewriter.

Chicago typewriter 

a thompson submachine gun (from the similarity of the sound of it's firing to that of a typewriter)
The robber was armed with a Chicago typewriter and wore a green suit.

typewriter

an acient typing device your parents used after walking home from school through ten-foot snow drifts uphill both ways
Hey Karen! Look at this new typewriter i got! it even has automatic return!
typewriter by none January 15, 2004