Tarof is the act of offering
something in a manner sufficient to demonstrate sincerity, but is simply a facade to appear more genuine than one actually is. It can be shown by conduct, an offer, or by any means in which there appears to be an intent to tender to another. One could think of a tarof as an undisclosed, one-sided, unilateral contract where the offeror is obligated to pay in exchange for the act or abstention from acting. In a case where tarof is
present or occurring, the accepting party must first decline the offer or restrain oneself from quickly agreeing to take (abstention from acting). The problems that arise from accepting an offer in a hastily manner are internal and only detrimentally harm the offeror. If a tarof is accepted too quickly, without hesitation, delay or indecisiveness on the part of the party accepting, the "tarof-
er" is quick to become
offended (meanwhile secretly shocked) and leaves with underlying resentment and bitterness in which they
never bring to the surface or openly recognize. However, the "tarof-er"
may privately complain to his/her close companion(s) regarding the surprising encounter in order to
vent and release their frustration over the other
person's inability to first reject or turn down their offer prior to accepting it.
Take-away: It is only custom that you first refuse the "
good" or "act" of the "tarof-er" prior to taking/accepting it in order to avoid
bitter feelings and to ultimately leave the situation winning.
"
Please do not tarof with me regarding the last
two khormas in the
fridge-- just take them Marziyeh!"
"I have asked you many times Shahrzad not to tarof those custard-filled pirashki's to me if you really want to eat them all yourself..."
"Maman, how many times are you going to tarof that albaloo
polo to me?! I am allergic to albaloo's!"
Situation where tarof is involved:
Khashayar: "
Please Jamshid, let me take care of the bill" (secretly, Khashayar does not want to pay a
penny)
Jamshid: "Azizam, no. It is with love and only proper if I pay" (meanwhile, Jamshid is putting up a front too)
Khashayar: "No, no, no"... (looks at waiter & waves arm implying her to come closer)... "take my card and
don't allow this
man (pointing at Jamshid) to pay!"
Jamshid (talking only to the waiter but eyeing Khashayar with one eye): "No, no,
please! I beg you! Do not listen to him! He does not know what he is saying!" (the waiter stares in utter confusion and uncertainty, and is simply startled by the whole interaction. Unsure as to what to do, she stares at what seems to be an altercation feeling uncomfortable and puzzled. She's not sure how or why things escalated so quickly. Eventually, she takes the card from the more "angrier"
man, Jamshid, & quickly rushes to the nearest cash register.)
