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Pull the other one 

A gentle challenge or rejoinder to a fanciful or bullshit statement or a tall tale. An idiom you use to tell someone that you do not believe what they have just said.

Derived from the game where you ask someone to "pull my finger" and fart, then ask them to "pull my other finger" or "now pull the other one".
-- Example 1 --

GUY 1:
"Yeah I drank about 20 beers but the cop couldn't tell I was drunk and let me go."
GUY 2:
"Pull the other one. I don't think so."

-- Example 2 --

From Scene 1 of Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
KING ARTHUR:
Whoa there!
clop clop clop
SOLDIER #1:
Halt! Who goes there?
ARTHUR:
It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
SOLDIER #1:
Pull the other one!
ARTHUR:
I am,... and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot.
I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER #1:
What? Ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR:
Yes!
SOLDIER #1:
You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR:
What?

Pull the other one 

Sarcastic response to someone who is taking the mickey

Shortened version of "Pull the other one, it's got bells on it."
Pull the other one by nzowl December 15, 2003

one foot on a banana peel and the other one out the door 

To be in a very precarious position, most commonly used when a person is in imminent danger of being fired from their job.
The way John has been fucking up at work lately, I wouldn't be surprised if he has one foot on a banana peel and the other one out the door.

One arm as long as the other

Basically turning up somewhere with nothing to give when something is expected. i.e coming to a party empty handed. Irish in origin
Jim: "Dave arrived in late to the wedding yesterday, the clown"

John: "Typical. Did he bring a pressie"

Jim: "Not at all, arrived in with one arm as long as the other"

Wish in one hand, shit in the other. 

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one gets filled first." When a person wants the impossible.
Joe: We need world peace. Can't we just all get along?
Tom: Well Joe, Wish in one hand, shit in the other.

In one eye and out the other 

Failure to comprehend what you are reading because you are distracted or not focused.
I don't know why I am even trying to read this book - I can't focus with all this noise. Its just going in one eye and out the other!