The Church 

If
The
Men
Find
Out
We
Can
Shapeshift
They’re
Going
To
Tell
The
Church

“IF THE MEN FIND OUT WE CAN SHAPESHIFT THEY’RE GOING TO TELL THE CHURCH!!”

The Church by AkariFromJapan January 31, 2023

The Church 

That's your fucking story? That the church swooped in and stopped all the raping and pillaging?

Hym "Holy shit you ACTUALLY did it! You gave the church credit for stopping rape. Go watch it. Everybody was raping and pillaging. Then the agricultural revolution happened and the people who hoarded resources started out-reproducing everyone. Then the church came along marriage saved everyone from rape... Except nobody told Christopher Columbus because I'm pretty sure his guys were raping and pillaging. There's some skepticism around it regarding his diary claiming that in his diary he told them not to rape. I know you're going to say here 'Columbus didn't work for the church!' And he didn't fucking have to you idiot. If the 'central guiding ethos' is the cause of everything that happens in a culture then it's the central guiding ethos. And as far as the bible is concerned, rape is rewarded. If you rape someone, according to the bible, you have to take the person as your wife. So, it's like pissing on a tree. There are MEN who ALMOST get raped in the bible. And the guy is like 'No, please, take my prostitute and daughter instead.' And take the daughter and prostitute they did. They didn't like the prostitute. They chopped her up pretty good. But it actively takes credit for every moral advancement humans make in real time. It didn't do that. It just unified the whites under one banner and the it came for eberyone else. Still, it's closer to MY theory of historical inter-sexual relationships than the red-pill dorks so... CORRECT AGAIN! The correctest man strikes again!"

The Church by Hym Iam November 13, 2023

The Church of Meg 

A fictional religion (a loose parody the Catholic Church) for the actress Megan Prescott, who is currently playing Katie Fitch in the British TV show Skins.

Originally, the "religion" began when Meg declared in an interview that incest was "illegal." Because of that, when talk of Katie/Emily (who are twin sisters in the show) occurred, someone would point out that Meg would not approve, because incest is "illegal."

It became a rather popular thing to say amongst Skins fans (especially fans on Livejournal) and thus has evolved into a bigger joke, with fans even creating an intensive guide for the "religion."

01. The Church of Meg accepts all peoples, so long as they love Meg and her followers in kind, for She is great.

02. "So, says the Lord Meg, that those who oppose and do not believe in the word of Meg are punishable of stonem-ing, a religious condemnation that comes from being hit with a rock, loser."

The Church of Meg by majesdane April 2, 2009

The Church of Peanut

The only true church. Everyone in the church is really good at not blinking. We worship SCP-173 and the SCP foundation is really sick of us but we don't fucking care.

InkFlame: ALL PrASE PEANUT!!!
Inky: wtf
InkFlame: YOU
Inky: yes?
InkFlame: JOIN THE CHURCH OF PEANUT
Inky: o ok

The Church of Peanut by 173 worshipper December 7, 2019

The Church Of Homestuck 

A fictitious (???) religious group believing in the foretold events written of in Homestuck, a fictitious (???) work by MS Paint Adventures (abbv. MSPA) author Andrew Hussie. This man is well-known for sporting a pair of incredibly luscious lips (and also due to his comedic talents, which are by many people's standards of the highest caliber).

They support the philosophical theory of casual determinism and believe in offshoot timelines, and that the world was created by adolescent humanoid aliens called "trolls" from the planet Alternia in another universe, among other things. They are currently preparing themselves for the coming apocolypse (which will directly correlate with the release of a beta-mode game entitled Sburb, or something similarly derived) by reading the webcomic itself. Real followers know that Gog and Jegus are fictional deities first named on the whim of an incredibly ironic thirteen-year-old boy (and a blind troll chick) who meant to parody the parallels between human and troll culture.

Members of this group can be identified by their candy-corn colored horns, which vary in shape, size and material as well as quality. Sometimes they go gallivanting about in Homestuck merchandise purchased from the What Pumpkin and Topatoco online stores, though they are not the exclusive caterers to this fashion, as many casual Homestuck fans are willing to break open their piggy-banks to get at the tiger (...hoodies). May occasionally paint themselves grey.

Probably a better alternative when compared to most organized religion.

"But sir! We have to prepare for the coming apocalypse! Listen! The universe is a giant cancer-ridden frog! Don't you understand? C A N C E R !" - average Homestuck trying to spread the word of our lord Hussie

"The Church Of Homestuck" originally conceived by paper pie on tumblr.

The Church Of Homestuck by not a homosexual August 16, 2011

The Church of Firnando 

"We are the church of Firnando, here is our tale. We formed when our High Priest happened upon our God, our Holy Lord Split in Twain, the Cleaved One, the pinnacle of rubber duck physique, FIRNANDO. We began our journey when we were deceived by the infamous Betrayer. Since then we have evolved towards our goal of world acceptance. We act in Firnando's name to create a world of acceptance"- Presumed DJ Liam, council member

The Church of Firnando is the only Firnandowist worshipping center in the world, as of November 2020. Firnandowists praise the lord Firnando the cleaved one, a rubber duck split in twain who arose from the depths of a sacred claw machine. Their holy book, The Firnandonomicon, consists of eleven commandments, tales of Lord Firnando, and a number of psalms (composed by "Presumed DJ Liam"). You can read more about The Church of Firnando on their wix-cite that goes by the same name.

High Preist: "Ever been dead inside? join the Church of Firnando, and either become happy or die a human sacrifice! either way, you won't be sad anymore!"

The Church of Firnando by Church_Of_Firnando November 12, 2020

The Church of Tetris 

The Church of the one true religion. The acolytes of the Church of Tetris (CoT) believes that all should receive the joy that Tetris brings. Their core beliefs include helping others to understand and share in the glory of Tetris, as well as abstaining from "False idols".

(Quoted from The Church of Tetris homepage.)
"The Church of Tetris is founded on the belief that all people should receive the glory of Tetris. Those who know of the Glory shall have peaceful lives filled with wonderful things. Those without Tetris shall continue on as all humans do. And those who oppose Tetris shall be crushed in a rain of blocks from on high."

The CoT has even sanctioned a prayer to be uttered whenever worshipping the one true Tetris.

"You can worship Tetris anywhere you can take an electronic device. We at The Church of Tetris have even sanctioned a prayer, which we recommend you speak aloud before worshipping the great Tetris:"

Oh, Tetris, thy Glory great,
Give us today our daily blocks,
So that we may clear them.
And give us strength,
Through our gaps and mistakes,
To obtain a tetris.
Start.

The Church of Tetris by Nile the Buizel November 5, 2010