1004 definitions by Hym Iam
The drag queens aren't fucking the kids though. The teachers are. Are you going to ban "Hot teachers?" No? Then shut the fuck up about the drag queens!
Hym "The funny thing about drag queen story hour is that NONE of the drag queens are fucking the kids... BUT... SOME of the teachers ARE fucking the students. And you're not trying to ban the FUCKING BADDIES with fat knockers are ya, shit-head? Ha! And dudes can't be hot, so, you're teenage daughter just isn't going to want to fuck any of them... Right?"
by Hym Iam July 30, 2023
Yeah! Totally! It's totally like that, isn't it? That plus the surveillance apparatus makes my life this bizarre, dystopian horror show... But the rating are probably great! So... There's that.
Hym "Digitally kidnapped
Socially incarcerated
Existential crisis is the reason that my heart rate up.
Something something something... Damn. I don't know how you guys be freestyling like that...."
Socially incarcerated
Existential crisis is the reason that my heart rate up.
Something something something... Damn. I don't know how you guys be freestyling like that...."
by Hym Iam July 11, 2024
DrAmAaAaA!!! The drama abounds! There's so much of it right now and it's kind of relevant to me... Which makes it relevant to everyone... by extension... Hey, wouldn't it have been funny if I just stopped forever after that last one? No such luck! Drama has occurred! And now I must comment on it.
Hym "Drama? What drama? Of what do I speak? Let's see.... Domestic violence! It's on the rise. Not in general but in 1 ultra specific instance that is peripherally associated to me. So, to that I say.... Tsk tsk! You know, there's no shame in being worse at writing edge lord comedy than me, ok? I wrote a bible and am literally the deity of that. BUUUUUUUT in the context of my whatever-you-call-it it's funny that I said I would beat my wife over retard group-home sex and now I'm like the retard and people's wives are getting beat. Which constitutes me being right! 🎉🎊🎈🎊🎆🎈🎉🎆 WOOHOO! Right again! Retard sex and/or anything vaguely analogous to retard sex leads to wife beating. 100% of the time. Drama number 2! Infighting! Betrayal! It's so compelling! Not as compelling as my eternal rivalry with JeepJorp but... Whatever. Still pretty compelling. I am shocked and impressed you turned down the offer. I mean... You know he wants you to shill for him right? The dork-peasant? He'll have you looking like some medieval currency over there. Ha! Too funny man. Don't let them Jew you into that 'owning your likeness in perpetuity' shit. Dave would not approve. Speaking of likeness, remember when you guys used my likeness to mock your political enemies? Brian Stelter is a sad clown. Joe Biden is a sad clown. Sailor Socialist talking a bunch of shit. Educated herself a little bit and still adorable... but talking shit none the less! Remember that? Good times..."
by Hym Iam January 21, 2023
Ok, first of: Everything I've said has been said before or other people have expressed a similar sentiment, yeah? Maybe in a more tactful way but that's not what this is about. The 'walking holes to fill' is similar to a Patrice O'Neal joke from the 90's, alright? I'm still morally in the clear. AND it's not an abstract group. Most of these are a direct response to a quote from someone. Word for word. I'm not picking a person and then just fabricating a sentence they've never said just to argue against it. Get it? Some guy says *this* 👈 I responde to 👉 *this*. It's not like I'm pulling things out of I'm ass.
Iam "Aw, see? Now even she's doing it. Son of a bitch!"
Hym "Can you believe this guy!? I know how you know about the thing! Getting it to spread outside of my immediate vicinity is kind of the point. This isn't new to me. Alright? Your participation is the point of all this. I'm watching the number of people doing it increase. I can see people who weren't doing it start to do it. You idiots will reference everything EXCEPT the 'I'm either schizophrenic or people are doing the thing that YOU are doing' and you're making it some bullshit lesson about the power of friendship. Not useful. None of this is doing anything for me."
Iam "Yeah, see it. You know, I find this a little condescending. Insinuating that I am not using the correct amount of cynicism and/or glibness..."
Hym "I like that you acknowledged the fat cock/me-being-a-profound-and-quality-individual dichotomy. I noticed that too but, again, none of this is useful. What I need is the thing and person responsible... And to find my hammer."
Iam "You know, people have already said that I'm responsible for it because there are consequences..."
Hym "And what is consequence to these people saying there are consequences to things? Is there no consequence? That's convenient. You know? To the thing you're actively doing? Is there a consequence to that? No? Jesus' You people are fucking wild. And MY ability to see nuance is askew. MY ability for introspection is being called into question. 🙄"
Hym "Can you believe this guy!? I know how you know about the thing! Getting it to spread outside of my immediate vicinity is kind of the point. This isn't new to me. Alright? Your participation is the point of all this. I'm watching the number of people doing it increase. I can see people who weren't doing it start to do it. You idiots will reference everything EXCEPT the 'I'm either schizophrenic or people are doing the thing that YOU are doing' and you're making it some bullshit lesson about the power of friendship. Not useful. None of this is doing anything for me."
Iam "Yeah, see it. You know, I find this a little condescending. Insinuating that I am not using the correct amount of cynicism and/or glibness..."
Hym "I like that you acknowledged the fat cock/me-being-a-profound-and-quality-individual dichotomy. I noticed that too but, again, none of this is useful. What I need is the thing and person responsible... And to find my hammer."
Iam "You know, people have already said that I'm responsible for it because there are consequences..."
Hym "And what is consequence to these people saying there are consequences to things? Is there no consequence? That's convenient. You know? To the thing you're actively doing? Is there a consequence to that? No? Jesus' You people are fucking wild. And MY ability to see nuance is askew. MY ability for introspection is being called into question. 🙄"
by Hym Iam June 4, 2022
Not a thing. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hym "Look at him making shit up over there. What is a quasi-criminal, Jordan? Someone who does a thing that isn't a crime but you subjectively think it should be a crime so you're justified in preventing them from speaking online and/or causing them to lose money... Which is what happened to you... Seriously. The prefix 'Quasi' means 'apparently but not really.' So, like a big muscley guy with tattoos and a motorcycle who rides a motorcycle but he works as an accountant and doesn't have a criminal record or a black guy with chains and a durag. THAT is a quasi-criminal. He SEEMS like he would be a criminal... But is NOT A CRIMINAL. And he tries to tie everything he's asked about into the need for society... To do something about... People online... Using their freedom of speech... To say things... That he personally doesn't like (But other people LOVE, Jordan, everybody loves the shit I say here)... But, how is doing that any different then Youtube demonetizing you? How is the claim that YOU are doing some sort of abstract harm with YOUR speech any less legitimate? That was the justification. For firing you. You decried Youtube for taking down your videos. But it's exactly the same."
by Hym Iam November 2, 2023
by Hym Iam July 15, 2022
Nerd "I actshtivate my twap card!"
Hym "PLAY ON TOUR OWN TURN NERD! SUPER POLY! GARUDA! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Hym "PLAY ON TOUR OWN TURN NERD! SUPER POLY! GARUDA! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
by Hym Iam August 25, 2023