proximate 

prox· i· mate | \ˈpräk-sə-mət \ 1) A person you mate with who is close to you by kinship or in some other way. 2) A person who mates with you on behalf of another, i.e. a proxy mate.

Jack: Hey, are you and your second cousin still fuck buddies?
John: No. She moved to California, but she sent me Jill as her proximate, and she's awesome.
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Mike Pence is Donald Trump's kochsucker proximate for the one percenters.

proximate by Len Bakerloo December 22, 2018

proximate cause 

n. a phrase used by lawyer to make it seem as if somebody didn't do something wrong when they really did.

Lawyer: Yes, your Honor, my clients may have created fake financial records for Enron, but they were not a proximate cause of harm to Enron shareholders because Enron was going to implode anyways.

proximate cause by Petrochelli May 2, 2008

Proximate Schnoz 

The selfish asshole who proudly refuses to wear a facemask during a pandemic. This person is culpable for spreading contagion among a population. A proximate schnoz will still expect sympathy when they catch covid, ebola, or similar plagues. We won't forget the proximate schnozs among us.

Yeah, Steve is real prick- the proximate schnoz of the office - he looks sweaty, bet the asshole has a fever. Motherfucker just sneezed, I'm out!

Proximate Schnoz by Michael Skopic August 15, 2020

proximity effect training 

When someone occupies a weight machine so you can't use it but they just sit there, napping, texting, chatting, whatever.

I'm lifting and I look around to see the nine other people all doing proximity effect training.

proximity effect training by Mel A Tonin April 24, 2017

Profitate

It has the same meaning as profit, to gain from, with its use intended for dramatic flair. Quoted from Preach, part of the Youtube channel Aba & Preach.

When a person puts you in the Friendzone because it's convenient, they profitate from your being in the Friendzone.

Profitate by kameHouse May 12, 2020

proximity enticement

The opposite of approach avoidance. To become increasingly attracted to a decision as one nears the decision moment.

"I felt a bit guilty when I told my wife I was going bowling, but as we pulled up to Jiggles the sense of proximity enticement washed that all away. "

proximity enticement by aretegroup February 27, 2015

Proximity shag 

One may travel many shag miles to have sex with the right person. However, some people are either fortunate enough to have their sexual partner nearby.

Others, though, may simply be lazy or unimaginative and find or remain with their sexual partner simply because they are close to er.. hand. This is a "proximity shag" (noun and verb).

A: We split up because he is too many shag miles away. You on the other hand...

B: ...live next door. That makes me a...

A: ... proximity shag.

B: I suddenly don't feel very special.

Proximity shag by Roo October 6, 2013