masturvation 

a prop or tool used for motivation whilst in the throws of self help (wanking). possibly porn more commonly textile objects. the physical spank bank.

"hey look what i stole of your mum's washing line im gonna use it for masturvation"

masturvation by masturvator March 2, 2008

Masturvation 

The act of pleasuring oneself on an empty stomach

I’m out of food until pay day, so I’m practicing masturvation to take my mind off of it.

Masturvation by Warrelle August 13, 2019

masturbating to the dictionary 

A phrase used as a comeback to a Grammar Nazi or to someone who says “grammar is sexy” during a conversation. It can be used in any situation to respond to someone who tries to shame you on your grammar.

i.e.
txt msg exchange
Timmy: Yo Jake, you wanna come over to Jason’s place to smoke after school? Meghan and Jill are coming over and I’m sure your have a dope time with us.
Jake: You mean *you’ll have a dope time.
Timmy: Dude, are you masturbating to the dictionary at your house? Don’t be such a Grammar Nazi.

Lucy: Hey Jamie, do you think Alex is doing good today after the party last night? You think he’s interested in hanging out later?
Jamie: You mean, doing WELL after the party…? Damn Lucy, grammar is sexy just an fyi.
Lucy: Wtf Jamie, when did you start masturbating to the dictionary?

masturbating to the dictionary by runninghighkid August 4, 2018

Comedic Masturbation 

When you are so funny by yourself that you laugh out loud without any participation by a partner.

Progresses from a small grin to a smile to a quiet giggle and then quickly reaches the climactic event of an audible belly laugh, or LOL. Following climax, tissue is often used to dry resulting wetness occuring in the ocular region.

My humor is not always understood by others and I frequently find myself involuntarily engaging in comedic masturbation.

Comedic Masturbation by K-Rista-Raaah July 22, 2016

Bureaucratic Masturbation 

noun - 1. Engaging in any activity for the sake of making one feel better about themselves, their organization, or their company without actually accomplishing anything. 2. Holding meetings to provide recommendations only to have management do what they wanted in the first place. 3. Holding special work group meetings to make the 'little people' feel ownership, when the decision has already been made by higher levels of management.

My boss has picked me to suffer through more Bureaucratic Masturbation, representing the department on a policy work group.
I spent the last 3 months researching the best candidate for the position and the Boss picked his pet employee anyway. God I hat Bureaucratic Masturbation!

Bureaucratic Masturbation by Bill Koogler January 17, 2008

Masturbation guilt 

The sense of guilt you feel post-masturbation when you realized what you have just jerked yourself off to.

"Oh God, what have I done? I did not just masturbate to bestiality.. talk about masturbation guilt.

Masturbation guilt by GunaDK January 19, 2012

Public Masturbation 

The reason I am no longer allowed on public transportation.

I definitely should not have participated in Public masturbation on that subway.

Public Masturbation by thepseudonymousbosch February 21, 2017