"Well, it was pretty inappropriate when he ejaculated into the trombone section. Then the entire audience had to wait for fifteen minutes while he warmed up again."
The "Maestro's Conundrum" is an addendum to the Palma Sutra, the ancient vedic discourse on self-pleasure. The Maestro's Conundrum is when you weave your baton through the piano wires while the soloist plays Tchaikovsky.
Mr. Mozart: "For shame Wolfgang, what sounds are those? Are you not in tune?"
Wolfgang: "Why yes father, moreso than you could know."
Piano Teacher: "Fear not Herr Mozart, for young Wolfi has solved the Maestro's Conundrum"